Off the Map: You Gotta Get a (Different) Gimmick

Gnocchi Bread Bowl - DiAnoia's Eatery, Pittsburgh, PA

DiAnoia's Eatery

We want to love the gnocchi bread bowl. We really do. After all, it has seemingly every food item one could possibly want wrapped up in a single entree: pasta, cheese, vodka sauce, bread. And all of it - every last bite, including the actual receptacle in which it arrived - is edible.

Bring Us All Your Carbs

It's just, we don't actually love it.

To Be Honest, We're Not Even Sure We Like It

In the defense of DiAnoia's Eatery, Vodka and her college roommates, Diet Coke and Whiskey Sour, arrived at the restaurant none too hungry, after many happy hours in the lobby of the Omni William Penn. As we played a tournament's worth of rummy games, we consumed not only the world's most gigantic (and delicious) soft pretzel, but also a heaping platter of cheese curds.

A Reasonable Appetizer

Now, NOT in DiAnoia Eatery's defense, we felt compelled to engorge ourselves so excessively because we couldn't get a reservation with them until 9:00pm.

Which Is Approximately Four Hours Past Our Desired Dinner Time

All to say, when we finally stumble into the place, we are not exactly ravenous, but we are still quite eager to try the gnocchi bread bowl, as featured by Courtney Rada on the UPPER CRUST episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate. 

Hey, DiAnoia's, How About Throwing in a Bottle While We Wait for Our Midnight Reservation?

Along with the featured bowl, we order the house salad, three meatballs, the al limone pasta, and for dessert, the zeppole.

So Obviously, We Weren't THAT Full

The first thing to note about the bread bowl is it is enormous. Nine-ish inches in diameter, it is filled to the top (and spilling over) with gigantic gnocchi and a heaping of vodka sauce. The gnocchi themselves are well-cooked - not mushy at all, which is a fate that tends to befall this variety of pasta. 

Vodka Generally Prefers a Long Pasta, Though She Did Not Enjoy DiAnoia's Al Limone

The sauce, too, is good, if nothing hugely memorable. But the dish itself just never quite comes across as anything more than a big gimmick.

What Utensil Would YOU Use to Conquer This Item?

While the idea of having bread itself as the vehicle for a pasta dish seems ingenious, because one is unable to actually taste the bread before a solid portion of the pasta is gone, it renders the whole thing a bit useless. Additionally, the bread itself is rather lacking in flavor, like the world's most bland pizza crust.

A Rave Review, This Decidedly Is Not

After we only manage to polish off about a quarter of the contents, we heave the rest of the bread bowl into a plastic to-go container and share it the following day, straight out of our hotel refrigerator. Even with the benefit of having hardened into a more consumable form, the dish just doesn't taste like much, and Whiskey Sour winds up courting the remaining third back home with her.

And If You're STILL Not Good After Congealing for a Day, Is There Really Any Hope?

From the rest of the meal, the donut dessert is a highlight, though frankly, nothing presented at DiAnoia's Eatery comes close to the perfection that was our giant pretzel. 

Might These Also Come with a Side of Yellow Mustard?

And this only proves that, in PIitsburgh and beyond, sometimes gimmick dishes work out for the best, but more often then not, without any substance behind them, they'll simply never make you a star.

DiAnoia's Eatery's Gnocchi Bread Bowl: 3 stars

Off the Map: In Pittsburgh, No Plates Means No Problems (and Plenty of Soap)

Cap & Egg - Primanti Bros., Pittsburgh, PA

Primanti Bros.

The first majestic thing to take place during Vodka's inaugural trip to Pittsburgh, PA, is she gets carded. 

For This Fact Alone, Vodka May Have Found Her New Favorite City

As she's now pretty much double the age when an ID consultation would be understandable, she is beyond thrilled that her Moscow Mule order resulted in a study of her birth year. 

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall, Who's the Drunkest of Them All?

Equally thrilling is that she is finally about to consume that legend of a Western Pennsylvania entree, a Primanti Bros. sandwich.

Hello, Gorgeous

The entirety of Vodka's knowledge of Primanti Bros. comes from the fact that they stuff their French fries directly onto the sandwiches themselves, a practice for which she and her two college roommates, Whiskey Sour and Diet Coke, are equally excited. 

And Yet Somehow Still Tempted to Ask for a Side of French Fries

According to Best Thing I Ever Ate, Vodka must order the Cap & Egg, as recommended by Rachael Ray on the UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST episode. Whiskey Sour and Diet Coke both choose the Pitts-Burger, which is heavily advertised as the "#2 Best Seller" all over the establishment... with no mention of which delicacy owns the top spot.

And For This Evening's First Riddle....

It takes an exceptionally long time for the sandwiches to make their appearance, but this delay leaves ample opportunity for us to each visit the Primanti Bros. restroom, featuring a soap dispenser with a mind of its own. Squeezing out five squirts of turquoise soap per every hand swipe, the staff has seemingly "solved" this problem by installing a tub beneath the machine to catch the extra barrel of anti-bacterial goo.

Well, That's One Solution

The preponderance of soap means that our hands are extra clean by the time our sandwiches actually arrive -- good fortune, as they do so without a plate. Wrapped up in their own cocoons of parchment paper, they're gifted before us like a stork bestowing a newborn. 

A Heaven-Sent Bundle

The sandwiches themselves are enormous but not unwieldy - even Diet Coke, who has the smallest mouth and smallest appetite among us, can both eat it easily and (nearly) completely.

A Few Stray French Fries Escaping the Herd

The Cap and Egg makes for a very satisfying combination, though not one that Vodka would necessarily have chosen. The whole enterprise seems to be lacking a touch a seasoning and would do well with a condiment or two (though then again, Vodka has rarely met an entree that she didn't think needed salt).

A Side of Mayonnaise Also Would Not Be Entirely Out of Place

Whiskey Sour and Diet Coke similarly enjoy their Pitts-Burgers, but would also try a different sandwich during a return visit (Vodka is most intrigued by the kielbasi variety).

An Additional Menu Tip from the Other Side of the State: Pork Roll

The thick white bread used for all of Primanti Bros.'s creations molds perfectly around the contents, keeping everything in place and making for a relatively mess-free eating adventure. 

A Pittsburgh Burrito

Though even if it didn't, there's plenty of soap available with which to wash off afterwards.

Primanti Bros.'s Cap & Egg: 4 stars

Off the Map: A Good Meatloaf

Meatloaf - The 1770 House, East Hampton, NY

The 1770 House

If there is one person on Best Thing I Ever Ate who will rarely, if ever, steer you wrong, it is Ina Garten. Which is why, when you are among her stomping grounds in East Hampton, it is imperative that you spend as much time as possible frequenting her haunts.

Where Ina Goes, We Will Follow

Possibly her top haunt of all time is The 1770 House, which is both a historic inn and a restaurant - the latter featuring both a classic dining room and a basement tavern. After being advised that Ina herself prefers the atmosphere of the tavern, Vodka naturally chose the same ambience for her inaugural 1770 House meal.

Never Before Has Basement Dining Been So Chic

The tavern proves a bit treacherous to get to, due to a winding staircase that could most certainly take out anyone who's had a few too many martinis to her name. But once downstairs, it is all cozy charm - the perfect place to spend a snowy night while getting lit on cocktails which may or may cause you to be trapped in this basement until the end of time.

If "Comfort" Were a Restaurant, It Would Be the Tavern at 1770 House

Vodka orders the meatloaf, because that is what Ina instructed, even though never, in the history of her life, has she chosen meatloaf as her restaurant entree. 

Primarily Because the Staples of Her Dinners Are Booze, Cheese, and Carbohydrates

Prior to the arrival of our main dinners, we are greeted by freshly baked, warmed rolls (delectable) and our chosen appetizers - the spicy Montauk fluke tartare and the autumn salad. The fluke is especially delightful, featuring a subtle smattering of wasabi over the top which brings a pleasing kick to the entire enterprise.

Who Knew the Tavern Also Doubled as a Sushi Specialty Mart?

Onto the main event, the meatloaf itself, which Ina had featured on the THE CLASSICS episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate, is every good as Ina had promised. It's accompanied by potato puree, spinach, and a roasted garlic sauce which tastes undeniably like chicken broth (not a complaint). 

The Heel of the Loaf

While the meatloaf is indeed the best Vodka has ever had, it is, after all, still meatloaf, and while she would return to the 1770 House in a heartbeat, she would try one of the other staples of their menu.

Namely the Burger, and Even More Namely, the French Fries

After indulging in the chocolate brownie for dessert, Vodka tippy-toed carefully up the winding Tavern steps, clutching a wine glass in one hand and a rose bottle in the other, and all three emerged unscathed.

Brownie A La Lantern Light

As Ina herself would say, how easy is that?

The 1770's House Meatloaf: 4 stars

Off the Map: In a Hamptons Pickle

Salty Soured Pickled Rye Bread - Carissa's Bakery's, East Hampton, NY

Carissa's Bakery

For the first time in her life, Vodka has ventured to the wilds of the Hamptons to see and taste the East End institutions and cuisines which Ina Garten calls home. 

Can't You Just Picture Ina Sending Jeffrey Out to Fetch One of These Concoctions?

One such location is Carissa's Bakery, though Alex Guarnaschelli is the one who featured the place on Best Thing I Ever Ate for their KEY INGREDIENT episode.

Unfortunately, Ina's Mini-Cooper Was Not in the Parking Lot

The key ingredient in Carissa's case is pickle, as Alex's chosen dish is the salty soured pickled rye bread. Except when Vodka goes about actually ordering this concoction, she cannot come up with its name, and says to (the person she can only guess is Carissa herself), "Do you have that pickle loaf?"

This Kind of Classy Ordering Style is the Reason the Hamptons Don't Welcome Us

Along with the loaf, Vodka and her parents are at Carissa's for breakfast, so we order three bacon and egg sandwiches, three lattes, and said hunk of bread. The total for this breakfast comes to... wait for it....

$108.

$108!!!!!

Is Ina herself hand-curing these pickling liquids as a favor to Carissa?! Because we cannot for the life of us come up with why the total FOR BREAKFAST is so astronomical.

Do You Know How Many McDonald's Hashbrowns We Could Buy for $108?!

Price aside, the sandwiches in question are good, if not worth $57 a piece (give or take a few pennies). 

Sandwiches in Photo May Feature More Collard Greens Than Originally Advertised

In truth, they are mostly filling spread heavily on two enormous slices of sourdough and topped with one fried egg and a few slices of bacon. The lattes, in contrast, are truly delectable, and wind up being the highlight of this morning excursion.

Perhaps Carissa's Should Rebrand as a Barista Training Ground

Onto the subject at hand, the pickle bread is delivered warmed out out of the oven, and, sans an available knife, Vodka begins hacking into it with her fingertips. 

A More Elegant Slice Which Survived Vodka Tearing the Loaf to Shreds

At first, it is fairly pleasing - after all, this blog has rarely met a pickle, or pickle-flavored item, it did not enjoy. The interior of the loaf is incredibly spongy and chewy, while the top, with a generous (some would say "too generous") helping of caraway seeds, has a firmer bite.

If Pickles Had Yeast

This bread may be just the ticket for making a sandwich when there is a dearth of pickles available, but other than that, Vodka can't quite figure out what it complements best. Back at home, she tried it alongside chicken noodle soup (it got lost) and morning eggs (it was just... odd), and it felt like too strong of a flavor to pair easily with other foods (after a day away from the warmth of Carissa's oven, it is the caraway seeds, and not the pickle, that prove to be the most potent).

You Know What Would Work Better than Caraway Seeds? Everything Bagel Seasoning.
You're Welcome, Carissa's

In sum, Carissa's Bakery served as a suitable introduction to the Hamptons, if mostly because every place Vodka ventured afterwards seemed downright cheap in comparison. Based on their display of sweets, it appears that, despite Alex Guarnaschelli's recommendation, it may be their pastries that are actually something to write home about.

A Real Toss-Up as to Which Is More Eye-Catching: This or... the Pickle Bread

And isn't that just the pickle.

Carissa's Bakery's Salty Soured Pickled Rye Bread: 3 stars

Off the Map: Right Cove, Wrong Fish Tacos

 Fish Tacos - George's at the Cove, San Diego, CA

George's at the Cove

First of all, turns out we ate the wrong dish. At the wrong restaurant. Nevertheless, we loved everything about it.

This Kind of Hard-Hitting Reporting Is Seemingly Why No One Reads Our Blog

So as it happens, when "George's at the Cove" was featured on Best Thing I Ever Ate way back in 2011, it was for their California Modern restaurant, which is on the lower level of their complex in La Jolla, CA.

In a Surprise Twist, This Is Not the Lower Level

We did not eat at California Modern. We did not even KNOW about California Modern. Instead, we ate on George's Ocean Terrace.

Bet You Can't See the Seals from the Basement!

Now at this elusive California Modern restaurant, they apparently serve something called "Reinvented Fish Tacos," which is presumably why they were featured by Aaron Sanchez on the REINVENTED CLASSICS episode of the program.  

Using Our Brains Left and Right Here in San Diego

On the Ocean Terrace, they serve plain old fish tacos, which is what Vodka and Vesper ordered.

Welp

Now, in our defense, California Modern is apparently temporarily closed. And in our additional defense, who would travel all the way to the La Jolla Cove and then sit in a basement, when the rooftop patio is there beckoning you, begging you to enjoy its scenic overlooks?

Take a Little Time to Enjoy the View

All that to say, we adored George's at the Cove, if that is in fact where we were eating.

A Packed Cove

Upon being seated at what other envious diners referred to as "the best table in the house," our exceedingly pleasant waiter welcomed us and apologized for the snafu on our reservation.

To which he received a completely blank stare from Vodka.

"We had to switch the day of your reservation...?" he prompts, and it finally dawns on Vodka that when she made the lunch plans over a month ago, they had initially been for the day before. Only George's was closed the day before for a private event, and it was a tech glitch that allowed Vodka to book on the blacked-out day.

Speaking of Blacked-Out Days

All to say, this snafu did not cause much heartache, or even so much as a tangible memory, on Vodka's part, which is why the fact that George's decided to compensate the issue with complimentary flutes of champagne was all the more lovely.

Raise a Toast to Extraordinary Customer Service

Since Vodka does not drink bubbles, she pawns her glass off on Vesper and opts for her go-to Grey Goose martini, along with a tuna crudo appetizer to share. 

A Rose-Colored Beauty

The fish dish, featuring tuna with watermelon, jalapeno ponzu, and basil, is so good - fresh and chilled and surprisingly delightful - that Vesper asks for the menu again so she can copy down the ingredients and attempt to recreate it at home (note: this will never happen).

One Perfect Bite

For our entrees, Vesper gets the designated fish tacos, and Vodka the sweet corn cacio (mostly because it's been a full two days since she's twirled pasta onto a fork and she is beginning to go into withdrawal). 

A Pasta a Day Keeps the Proteins Away

The fish tacos are relatively pleasing - not the best fish tacos Vodka has ever tasted, which may be why they were NOT actually featured on Best Thing I Ever Ate. 

Also Could've Used More Chips

The cacio is similarly decent, though nothing extraordinary (and actually a bit too sweet for Vodka's tastes, though this is her fault for ordering a dish that literally has "sweet" in the title).

Thankfully, By This Point We Were Also Tipsy, So We Still Licked Our Platters Clean

The creme brulee that we order for dessert heads back into the same extraordinary territory as the tuna crudo - a ramekin of perfection with an accompanying delectable cookie.

Now This Is a 5-Star Moment

And while George's had some decided "hits" on its menu (namely from the appetizer and dessert portions), the real appeal here is the location, which is nothing short of spectacular. In fact, we could have lazed away the entire rest of the day on that roof had we allowed ourselves to. 

George's Showing Off What Makes San Diego So Appealing

Instead, after a respectable three drinks each, we made our way off the patio, past the darkened basement of California Modern, and out into the La Jolla Cove itself, leaving San Diego with the most marvelous of a moment.

George's at the Cove's Fish Tacos: 4 stars