Off the Map: With a Side of French Toast, Please

Peanut Butter and Banana Stuffed French Toast - Cafe 222, San Diego, CA

Cafe 222

After a bumpy start involving an odd restaurant, a rogue oyster, and entirely too much sun, Vodka and her friend, Vesper, start day 2 of their San Diego jaunt at Bobby Flay's favorite place for a WAKE UP CALL, Cafe 222, home of the peanut butter and banana stuffed French toast.

Elvis Could Never!

We arrive approximately 90 seconds after the restaurant opens, because you can ship New Yorkers to California, but you can't make them believe that they'll have to wait in line if they are not the first on the scene when the doors open.

The Early Bird Gets the French Toast

Thankfully, only two parties have beaten us to our "late arrival," and we are seated inside the miniscule dining room. While the number of outdoor tables and chairs are deceptively robust, the same cannot be said for the innards of Cafe 222, which feature approximately six tables total.

And Also This Dainty Chandelier

Undeterred by the small surface area on which we have to work (read: eat), and after sheepishly inquiring if it's possible to get a "half order" of the chosen French toast, we choose the breakfast burrito (Vodka), the two by two by two (Vesper, holding her own with two eggs, two pancakes, and two slices of turkey bacon), and a "side of French toast to share."

Needless to Say, We're Not Here to Work on Our Beach Bodies

After a smirk from our very genial waiter, which should have given us a clue as to what we were in for, our meal, if we can even call it that, soon arrives.

Vodka, Saving Calories by Drinking Her Coffee Black

Only it's not so much a "meal" as a "buffet," more in line with what is offered at the finest Vegas breakfast establishments than at a small corner cafe.

Not the Type of Bar We're Used To

First things first, the French toast - which neither of us would commit to as a full meal because a) a girl needs ample protein in the morning, and the peanut butter wasn't going to cut it, and b) we don't particularly care for French toast - is, in a word, divine. It may very well be the best French toast Vodka has ever tasted, and again, not just because she doesn't generally order such things.

Bobby Flay, You Did Good With This One

Crisp on the crusts but soft in the middle, lathered with peanut butter and a thinly-sliced layer of bananas, the French toast is addictive. 

Stuffed to the Gills

We coat it with the provided perfectly-spreadable butter and dip it into an ample amount of maple syrup, and it serves as a sort of palate cleanser in between bites of our "real" breakfasts.

A Proper Serving of Butter

Both of our actual choices are similarly delectable, albeit absolutely enormous. 

A Burrito Suitable for Three Meals

After confirming that our hotel room is in possession of a working refrigerator, Vodka suggests carting our leftover wares back to our room, for which our waiter cheerily stocks us with approximately seven to-go boxes for packing purposes. 

The Bacon Is of the Turkey Variety So It's Practically Fat Free

This decision proves to be a fruitful one later this evening, when Vodka could be found mainlining cold burrito into her mouth after an evening where the cocktails overpopulated the dinner consumption by a margin of three to one. Even soggy, chilled, and decidedly worse for wear, the burrito remained delicious.

Leftovers Which Are More Appetizing Than They Look

Though it tasted even better with an accompanying slab of French toast.

Cafe 222's Peanut Butter and Banana Stuffed French Toast: 5 stars*

*Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate

Food by Mail: Pandemic Carrot Cake

Carrot Cake -- Lloyd's Carrot Cake, Riverdale, NY

Lloyd's Carrot Cake

Essential supplies one needs during a global pandemic: Face masks. Hand sanitizer. Carrot cake.

We Didn't Make the Rules

Over one-hundred days into the coronavirus lockdown, Vodka, in NYC, receives a text from Ginger, in CA, alerting her that a shipment is about to arrive at Vodka's front desk. 

"Happy Birthday, Here's a Fruit Cake," Take 2

"Sorry to make you leave your safe zone," Ginger writes, as Vodka has righteously declared herself the "Winner of Quarantine." Not only does she not go outside (literally ever), she only leaves the confines of her apartment in the middle of the night while sporting a homemade hazmat suit in order to fetch packages from her lobby. 

When Your Health Fears Stand in the Way of Your Snacks

But once it's revealed that Ginger's mysterious gift is perishable, Vodka decides to risk life and limb to shuffle downstairs mid-afternoon to claim her prize.

Also Convenient, as Her Own Food Supply Was Already Running Low

Waiting for Vodka is a box from Lloyd's Carrot Cake, the home of Alex Guarnaschelli's Best Thing I Ever Ate ALL AMERICAN dessert. Inside the cardboard box, Vodka finds an insulation bag... with an entire carrot cake plopped in the middle. 

Oh, Hello There

The delicacy looks virtually unscathed, considering the fact that it has journeyed through the wilds of FedEx in little more than a Ziploc. 

Sturdy Transportation Device?

Once Vodka frees it from the bag, she sticks it in the refrigerator to give it a moment to recover from its pilgrimage.

Along with Its Friend, the Now-Melted Ice Pack

Later that evening, while deep into a glass of rose, Vodka manages to unfurl the cake's Saran Wrap covering with only three hand washings, and then debates whether to cut herself a piece or just dive into the creation fork-first. 

Will Touch Multiple Potentially Contaminated Surfaces to Procure Cake

Opting for the more civilized route, if only for the sake of pictures, she heaves a butter knife into the cake. Based on the heavy weight of the shipping box, and the amount of effort it takes to cut a piece, one would assume that the cake would be extremely dense. 

A Forkful of Sugar Makes the Pandemic... Oh, Never Mind

However, the cake proves to be surprisingly light in texture -- it's the half-inch of delectable cream cheese frosting on top that is weighing the entire enterprise down.

Frosting-to-Cake Ratio on Point

With orange shards of visible carrot pieces throughout, this is the most carroty of any carrot cake Vodka has tasted. 

Peter Rabbit Approved

Light, moist, and spiced with cinnamon, the cake is complemented perfectly by the icing, which would be cloying in its sweetness if paired with a different cake flavor. But this combination is truly stupendous, and upon polishing off her piece, Vodka debates procuring a second.

By the Next Day, She Has Lost All Sense of Decorum

Thanks to the wonders of Lloyd's packaging techniques, their cake-in-a-bag proves that being separated by 3000 miles and a worldwide pandemic doesn't mean you can't still share dessert with friends.

Especially When You Don't Actually Have to Share It

Lloyd's Carrot Cake's Carrot Cake: 5 stars*

*Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate

Off the Map: The Adult Version of Fish Stick Day

Shrimp Po Boy -- Domilise's Po Boys, New Orleans, LA

Domilise's Po Boys

In our Uber en route to our next Best Thing I Ever Ate location, Whiskey Sour remarks that we have set aside 90 minutes for lunch, which seems like overkill considering we are headed to a takeout sandwich joint.

"Po Boy Bar" Sounds Like an Ideal Business Model

Cut to: We arrive at Domilise's Po Boys, home of Alex Guarnaschelli's REGIONAL FAVORITE, the shrimp po boy, and we find a crowd loitering on the surrounding sidewalks, spilling out from the counters within.

What Is This, Free Po Boy Day?!

"Never mind. Ninety minutes may not be enough," Whiskey Sour says as we weasel our way inside to take a number. We are number 8, and they are currently serving number 44.

This Sign Did Not Look Like a Bad Ophthalmologist Chart in Person

"What do you think they go up to?" Vodka asks.

"Hopefully not 100," Whiskey Sour answers.

Could've Used Some of These Beauties at Galatoire's

As we wait, we note that the workers behind the counter, building dozens upon dozens of (mostly shrimp) po boys, are not what we had pictured. 

A Cluster of Condiments

More akin to the cheery demeanor of your elementary school cafeteria ladies than to harried workers at a consistently-packed hole-in-the-wall restaurant, they are a comforting presence in their array of hairnets.

Does This Place Also Serve Chocolate Milk?

Before long, we see that two stools have opened up at the bar (yes, there is a bar), so Vodka rushes off to claim them. 

Bar-Slash-Accountant's Desk-Slash-Merch Stand, but Bar Nonetheless

Feeling sheepish for squatting at the bar without drinking, she scans the liquor menu, which consists of beer, bloody marys, and, smudged at the bottom of the chalkboard menu, a hastily scrawled "chardonnay." Not finding any of these options pleasing, she asks for two bottles of water and a diet root beer, merely so the slightly surly bartender doesn't yell at her.

The First Time Vodka Has EVER Ordered a Soda at a Bar

After a seemingly interminable amount of time, our number is called, and Whiskey Sour returns to the bar clutching a paper plate of one large shrimp po boy cut into four pieces. After a solid 45-minute wait, the sandwich itself took approximately 3 minutes for the cafeteria ladies to construct, so we are not exactly sure what warranted such a delay between numbers (which thankfully go up to 50, not 100).

McDonald's Drive Thru, This Is Not

The sandwich itself is every bit as amazing as Alex Guarnaschelli had promised. The shrimp are small, slightly sweet, and perfectly fried, and there are A LOT of them. 

A Non-Shrimpy Shrimp Po Boy

They spill out the sides of the sandwich before being guided swiftly into our mouths. The accompanying sauce brings the ideal amount of zip to the proceedings, and all of the components are enveloped by a truly excellent roll.

These po boys really are THAT good.

Splendor in a Bite

At first, we're unsure whether to give the sandwich 4 or 5 stars. But after we a) wish for another sandwich as soon as we finish the first, b) continue to think about it for the remainder of the day, and c) compare it to other po boys (namely Mother's) and find Domilise's to be significantly better, we decide it really does deserve the 5 star designation.

And Considering Vodka's Constant Level of Impatience, This Distinction Really Is a Feat

While Vodka is put off with the amount of waiting involved in order to procure the delicacy, she would come back at time that is not LUNCH on a SATURDAY (so our timing choice, in retrospect, was not Domilise's fault). Also, as we leave, we are genuinely thanked for coming multiple times by the owners and the once surly-seeming bartender, further heightening our good cheer about the place.

Not Quite Beating the Crowd

We exit Domilise's approximately 80 minutes after we arrived with a solid 10 minutes to spare on our itinerary, thus proving that sometimes, cafeteria-style fried shrimp is worth the wait... and the weight.

Domilise's Po Boys's Shrimp Po Boy: 5 stars*

*Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate

Off the Map: Worst Case Scenario -- We End Up with Multiple Donuts

Beignets and Chicory Coffee -- Cafe Beignet, New Orleans, LA

Cafe Beignet

Before arriving in New Orleans, if asked how many famous cafes there are in the French Quarter who are specifically known for their beignets, Vodka an Whiskey Sour would have answered "one": Cafe du Monde. 

Point Us in the Direction of the Fried Dough

In fact, even after researching the NEW ORLEANS Best Thing I Ever Ate locales and discovering that Alton Brown recommended a cafe serving beignets and chicory coffee, and even after writing the name of said cafe on the itinerary, it still does not dawn on us that we are going anywhere other than Cafe du Monde.

Seven Minutes Into Our First Full Day in New Orleans, and Naturally, We Are Confused

We are not. We are going to a location called Cafe Beignet.

Well, Fancy Seeing You Here

Our confusion is only heightened when Ginger sends a decree to Vodka with the recommendation to "preserve ample time for consuming beignets at Cafe Beaumont." Beaumont?! How many cafes does this place have?

So Many Donuts, So Little Time

As we are walking out of our hotel en route to Cafe Whatever, Vodka is frantically googling to see which of the 97 beignet options we are actually supposed to be eating. ("Worst case scenario," Whiskey Sour pipes up in the midst of this, "we end up with multiple donuts.")

And Also Multiple Breakfast Cocktails

Finding that our itinerary was right all along, we head off to Cafe Beignet at 7:45am, as we have been led to believe they open at 8:00am. When we arrive, we find the place already packed, meaning that for the 2.5 hours we have been awake twiddling our thumbs (thank you, time change), we could have been eating donuts.

Such a Wasted Pastry-Based Opportunity

Thankfully, we are still able to snag a table as we await our delivery of three beignets and one chicory coffee. As Whiskey Sour notes, the place is "not one for dishware," as the cafe is awash in disposable products, most laden with powdered sugar. 

BYOP = Bring Your Own Plate

Thankfully, our beignets arrive within minutes, and we dive in with the ravenous hunger of people who hadn't downed multiple bowls of gnocchi mere hours before.

We Enjoy Dough in All Forms

And these beignets, they are quite good.

The Second-Best Kind of Cheersing

Not as sweet as we had been expecting (in a very good way), they have an excellent texture: doughy but not heavy, and fried to perfection. The cake itself is buttery by sight, and even with the onslaught of sugar, the whole affair is surprisingly light. 

Good Thing, Because This Is Only Our FIRST Scheduled Breakfast of the Day

At first, just because the beignets didn't produce the same immediate gut reaction that the gnocchi had, we're tempted to give them 4 stars, figuring that should we return to New Orleans, we'd want to try one of the other cafe's varieties instead. But after seeing (albeit not tasting) Cafe du Monde's donuts, we're persuaded to think that Cafe Beignet's really might be preferable. And plus, we find ourselves thinking about them multiple times throughout the coming days, bemoaning the fact that we hadn't stashed away an order for later.

Always Take Coffee, Booze, and Donuts To Go

For better or worse, Vodka's only previous beignet experience was in the Port Orleans hotel of Disney World, and for obvious reasons, Cafe Beignet's blows the theme park version out of the fryer. They are especially great when cut with the bitterness of the cup of coffee, and as Whiskey Sour finds upon dousing her face with a handful of the leftover sugar, the beignets truly are good to the last crumb.

And The Coffee Good to the Last Drop

Perhaps proving that any day that begins with a fistful of donuts really is the best case scenario come to life.

Cafe Beignet's Beignets and Chicory Coffee: 5 stars*

*Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate