Off the Map: Save Your Beads, New Orleans; We'll Take Your Gnocchi

Potato Gnocchi with Blue Crab and Perigold Truffle -- Restaurant August, New Orleans, LA

Restaurant August

At long last, Vodka and her friend, Whiskey Sour, have made it to New Orleans. 

Better Late Than... Really, Really Late

As seemingly the last two adults in our social circles who have yet to descend upon the Big Easy, we have arrived in Louisiana armed with a packed itinerary full of recommendations, must-dos, and a lengthy Best Thing I Ever Ate list.

Okay, NOLA, Show Us What You've Got

Our first stop, within mere minutes of arriving, is Restaurant August, which is blessedly located a stone's-throw from our hotel. 

But Never Fear - We Still Got Lost Getting Here

Boasting a 9:00pm reservation (which, with the time change, makes it 4.5 hours after Vodka's preferred dinner time), we settle into enjoy the potato gnocchi with blue crab and perigold truffle, as raved about by Aaron Sanchez on the IN A BOWL episode of the show. 

Classy Place, Sorry for Mucking It Up With Our Presence

But first thing's first: this is New Orleans after all, and we need a drink stat. Abiding by the theory that the second-cheapest bottle of wine on the menu is actually the worst, we splurge for the number one least-expensive bottle of rose. 

In Other Words, the Cheapest

Moments after toasting our long-awaited trip, as our amuse bouche, we are each gifted with a hollowed out egg shell stuffed with some sort of parmesan cream, and amuse us it does. 

Well, Aren't You the Cutest?

We are just barely above cracking the shell open in order to lick out each morsel of delicacy within. In fact, we are so overwhelmed by this start to the meal that when the busboy comes to clear our places, Whiskey Sour hands him her solitary empty egg shell, seemingly forgetting how plates work.

"Do You Guys Have Free Refills?"

Next comes a pre-split portion of Caesar salad with prosciutto (throughout the meal, Restaurant August is extremely accommodating about cutting our portions in two so we don't end up eating Lady and the Tramp-style). 

It's Like They Knew We'd Make a Debacle Out of Having to Share a Plate

While the salad is scrumptious, it is not the reason we are here. In fact, the gnocchi is the only part of the meal we asked for two of, lest we have to share any bit of it with the other. 

KEEP YOUR FORK ON YOUR SIDE OF THE TABLE

When it arrives, it is every bit as decadent-looking as Aaron Sanchez had described. Small, perfectly formed gnocchi are topped by pieces of crab, layers of truffle, and a heavy offering of creamy sauce.

Not Just In a Bowl, but PERFECTION In a Bowl

 The minute the first forkfuls hit our watering mouths, we are moaning.

We Like to Provide Our Own Soundtrack

The dish is truly exquisite in both presentation and flavor: rich but not overwhelming, with a lovely assortment of textures and tastes. Within the pasta and truffle cream, the crab becomes almost an afterthought, but it also cuts through the preponderance of dairy to add a touch of brine. 

The Real Mardi Gras Celebration

If anything, we think Restaurant August should serve this as an entree, rather than as an appetizer, because we definitely could have eaten more of it (and, two days later, we do).

But More on That Story Later

We use the remainder of our bread (which is also superb) to sop up the rest of the sauce before our next course arrives: a scallop dish which is a) also delicious and b) also split in half.

A Rather Hefty Portion, Considering This Is Only Half of It

By the time dessert rolls around, we are too full to function, but not too full for Vodka to ask if we can get one scoop of brown butter ice cream. Again, to our waiter's great credit, he does not so much as blink at this request, though he also does not deign to carve the scoop in two.

Sugar Sphere

As parting gifts, we receive two miniature key lime pies and pralines, along with to-go cups with which to consume the remainder of our rose. 

We Should Have Brought a Cooler for Easy Transport

In sum, the worst part about Restaurant August is that it has set our expectations for New Orleans almost unobtainably high. The location, service, ambiance, beverages, and food here are nothing short of splendid, and it is a place we continue to think of fondly throughout our trip.

Asking for a Cocktail Doggie Bag Will Never NOT Be Amazing

Now, if only they made roadie cups for gnocchi to accompany our takeout rose.

Restaurant August's Potato Gnocchi with Blue Crab and Perigold Truffle: 5 stars*

*Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate

Off the Map: After All That, We Forgot the Pickles

Fried Pickle Chips -- Blue Ridge Grill, Atlanta, GA

Blue Ridge Grill

Blue Ridge Grill looks more like a lodge out of the hills of Vermont than it does a restaurant across from an Atlanta strip mall.

Come for the Food, Stay for the View

Despite this dichotomy, the place is packed when Vodka and her friends, Bloody Mary and Sazerac, arrive at 8:00pm... meaning we don't get seated for nearly a half hour.

And Heaven Knows How Patient Vodka Is When Her Cocktails Are Delayed

We are here to eat the fried pickle chips, as praised by Alton Brown on the FINGER FOOD episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate. However, by the time we are actually seated, the only thing we can concentrate on ordering is our booze, and it is not until the waiter has walked away from our table that Bloody Mary correctly realizes that, in her sober stupor, Vodka has forgotten to order said pickle chips.

YES I WILL HAVE A MARTINI PLEASE HURRY

Once this mistake is corrected, and our palms are soothingly wrapped around cocktail glasses, we find the pickles to be just as pleasing as Alton had promised.

How Cucumbers Were Meant to be Eaten

Cut thinly and coated with a solid, but not overwhelming, amount of batter, they are fried to perfection and accompanied by a buttermilk dipping sauce.

Finger Food You Can Eat by the Fistful

Even though the item is not technically on the menu, we find that nearly every table in the vicinity is chowing down on them, which begs the question as to why Blue Ridge Grill continues to keep their pickles under wraps.

And Also Begs the Question Why Atlanta Likes to Treat Their Best Dishes Like a Speakeasy

The rest of our meal is good, if unremarkable. 

In Other Words, Vodka Doesn't Remember What We Ate

Perhaps These Photos Will Ring Some Bells

Or Not

Along with the pickles, the personal highly for Vodka is that her dirty martinis are accompanied by blue cheese-stuffed olives, and the chocolate mints that arrive with our check. Notably these are both things that Vodka did not have to remember to order.

Please Just Bring Vodka the Things She Likes Unprompted

Perhaps the secret pickle chips should take note.

Blue Ridge Grill's Fried Pickle Chips: 4 stars

Off the Map: Southern Pub Comfort

Burger -- Holeman & Finch Public House, Atlanta, GA

Holeman & Finch Public House

By the time we arrive for our first meal in Atlanta, the restaurant is practically closed.

Not Exactly Keeping NYC Hours in the Peach State

Boasting the last reservation of the evening, we wander into the joint at 9:00pm... and proceed to stay, downing cocktails like water, until deep into the Georgia night. 

It's Not Even Noon Somewhere: Getting Escorted from Closing Restaurants Since 2011

The first plus of Holeman & Finch's Public House is that they don't appear to find this behavior remotely off-putting. 

Though This Guy Seems a Bit Judgy

The second plus is that their burger, as recommended by Anne Burrell on the BURGERS episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate, really is as good as advertised.

Midnight Snack, Beef Edition

It seems that back in the day, the burger was only available in limited quantities, and only served after 10:00pm. 

Why Keep Such Majesty a Secret?

It's not clear when Holeman & Finch came to their senses and added it to their menu full-time, but Atlanta should be glad that they did.

Bird's-Eye Views of Burgers Are Never as Impressive

Vodka is visiting the Peach State along with her friends, Bloody Mary and Sazerac, and between the three of us, we give the restaurant's extensive cocktail menu a thorough tasting. 

We'll Take One of Each Please

While making our way through our first glasses, we chow down on an order of three deviled eggs, which come in bacon, pickle, and spicy varieties (frankly, they all pretty much taste like eggs). 

Quite the Curly Yolk Application

While Vodka and Sazerac request the burger, Bloody Mary chooses the shrimp toast, along with, inexplicably, a side of squash. 

Things Vodka Has Never Once Voluntarily Chosen to Order: Squash

Jumbo Shrimp

What makes the burger stand out, as opposed to the typical pub variety, is that it double-stacks two patties, instead of serving one thick slab of meat. The beef is layered with slices of cheese, red onions, and ample pickles, and all together, it is quite delicious. 

(Don't) Hold the Pickles, (Don't) Hold the Relish

In a comparison we mean as the highest compliment, the burger has an upscale-fast-food quality, along the lines of a Shake Shack or In-N-Out. The meat is tender but not juicy, thus rendering it easier to eat, and no less pleasing. Overall, the burger really is as tasty as promised, if not overly memorable.

How's That for a Back-Handed Compliment?

Though perhaps we should blame that quality less on the burger itself, and more on the multitude of cocktails that washed it down.

Holeman & Finch Public House's Burger: 4 stars

Off the Map: Walking Around the Drive-In

BBQ Chicken -- Bar-B-Q King, Charlotte, NC

Bar-B-Q King

If you've never been lost within the confines of a fast food restaurant, you've never vacationed with Vodka.

This Statement is True for Both the Upper- and Lower-Case Versions of "Vodka"

Twenty minutes after landing at the Charlotte International Airport, Vodka and her college roommate, Whiskey Sour, can be found staring helplessly at a blank wall within Bar-B-Q King, searching for a menu, an employee, and/or any clue as to what we are supposed to do next.

We're People Who Need GPS for INSIDE a Store

Before long, a sheriff, who is inexplicably stationed within the establishment, implores us to round the corner in order to find the cashier, which is where we can place our order for Guy Fieri's chosen Best Thing I Ever Ate ALL AMERICAN dish, the BBQ chicken.

Personally, We Find Onion Rings More American, but Okay

It appears that we are not actually supposed to be inside Bar-B-Q King at all, since every other patron has remained in his or her car, having their provisions fetched for them, Sonic-style, by employees who have worked here longer than we've been alive. 

Literally, They've Regaled Us with Their Employment Histories

In contrast, our Lyft driver is loitering somewhere within the parking lot, holding our luggage and dignity hostage, as we await our takeout order.

We're Going to Sue Guy If We Lose Our Backup Jeans on Account of His Chicken Choice

Overwhelmed by the menu before us, we place an order for two BBQ combo trays and one Thursday BBQ special, figuring this will give us the chance to sample much of what Bar-B-Q King has to offer.

We'd Appreciate a Better Picture-to-Text Ratio

 Three giant boxes of steaming fried food later, we realize the possible error of our ways.

A BBQ Meal Fit for Kings, So to Speak

Perhaps due to a combination of the quantity, the leisurely pace of Southern efficiency, and our growing angst that our rideshare driver is about to make haste with our underwear, it takes an exceptionally long time for our meal to be prepared. 

Please Speed Up the Pickle Placement

During this lull, we are "entertained" by the aforementioned sheriff, who after ever lengthier pauses, answers such innocuous questions as "What should we see while in Charlotte?" with, "Well... I don't... I don't really... I don't know what you like."

Charlotte, We Have Found the Next Member of Your Tourism Bureau

We eventually arrive, suitcases unscathed, at our hotel to meet our third college roommate, Diet Coke. 

And Immediately Place Before Her a Mountain of Carolina Goodness

Finding a dearth of seating in our room, and discouraged against carting our grub up to the swanky rooftop bar, we hover over the myriad of boxes like pigs lined up at the trough. 

Classing Up the Place Since 2003

Whiskey Sour, who is starving, is moaning with glee at the King's creations. 

It's Worth Noting That We, As Always, Loaded Up on Condiments

Along with Guy's choice, which is a fried chicken dunked in a generous layer of BBQ sauce, we have pulled pork, French fries, onion rings, hushpuppies, cole slaw, baked beans, and rolls with which to contend. 

In Other Words, a Light Meal

Vodka, who despite dragging friends to BBQ places around the country for Best Thing I Ever Ate purposes, does not really enjoy the cuisine, is fairly neutral on the buffet before us, as is Diet Coke. 

How Much Pulled Pork Can One Judge... If One Doesn't Like Pulled Pork?

Due to the addition of the sauce, the chicken is on the soggy side (perhaps why one is encouraged to consume it in the car), and the flavor itself is appropriately sweet and sour, yet still unremarkable. 

Non-Crispy Chicken

The standout item among this array is the small sampling of baked beans (of all things), but despite Whiskey Sour's protests, we refuse to give the chicken itself anymore than a respectable, if average, 3 stars.

That's One Star Per Box

Appropriately, after quantum physics-level of finagling in order to fit our leftovers into the overflowing minibar refrigerator, it is Whiskey Sour who hauls the five-pound box of North Carolina delicacies up north for a final feast, all the while maintaining their 5 star appeal.

Bar-B-Q King's BBQ Chicken: 3 stars