Off the Map: Southern Pub Comfort

Burger -- Holeman & Finch Public House, Atlanta, GA

Holeman & Finch Public House

By the time we arrive for our first meal in Atlanta, the restaurant is practically closed.

Not Exactly Keeping NYC Hours in the Peach State

Boasting the last reservation of the evening, we wander into the joint at 9:00pm... and proceed to stay, downing cocktails like water, until deep into the Georgia night. 

It's Not Even Noon Somewhere: Getting Escorted from Closing Restaurants Since 2011

The first plus of Holeman & Finch's Public House is that they don't appear to find this behavior remotely off-putting. 

Though This Guy Seems a Bit Judgy

The second plus is that their burger, as recommended by Anne Burrell on the BURGERS episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate, really is as good as advertised.

Midnight Snack, Beef Edition

It seems that back in the day, the burger was only available in limited quantities, and only served after 10:00pm. 

Why Keep Such Majesty a Secret?

It's not clear when Holeman & Finch came to their senses and added it to their menu full-time, but Atlanta should be glad that they did.

Bird's-Eye Views of Burgers Are Never as Impressive

Vodka is visiting the Peach State along with her friends, Bloody Mary and Sazerac, and between the three of us, we give the restaurant's extensive cocktail menu a thorough tasting. 

We'll Take One of Each Please

While making our way through our first glasses, we chow down on an order of three deviled eggs, which come in bacon, pickle, and spicy varieties (frankly, they all pretty much taste like eggs). 

Quite the Curly Yolk Application

While Vodka and Sazerac request the burger, Bloody Mary chooses the shrimp toast, along with, inexplicably, a side of squash. 

Things Vodka Has Never Once Voluntarily Chosen to Order: Squash

Jumbo Shrimp

What makes the burger stand out, as opposed to the typical pub variety, is that it double-stacks two patties, instead of serving one thick slab of meat. The beef is layered with slices of cheese, red onions, and ample pickles, and all together, it is quite delicious. 

(Don't) Hold the Pickles, (Don't) Hold the Relish

In a comparison we mean as the highest compliment, the burger has an upscale-fast-food quality, along the lines of a Shake Shack or In-N-Out. The meat is tender but not juicy, thus rendering it easier to eat, and no less pleasing. Overall, the burger really is as tasty as promised, if not overly memorable.

How's That for a Back-Handed Compliment?

Though perhaps we should blame that quality less on the burger itself, and more on the multitude of cocktails that washed it down.

Holeman & Finch Public House's Burger: 4 stars

Off the Map: Cleveland, This Is Getting Ridiculous

Beef Gyro -- Steve's Gyros, Cleveland, OH

Steve's Gyros

Four meals into Vodka and Mezcal's journey to Cleveland, and we've yet to find a single clunker of a dish. Of course, all of the food chosen thus far has been picked by Michael Symon, who presumably knows the best and brightest culinary spots of his hometown. So maybe Anne Burrell and her ROAD TRIP Best Thing I Ever Ate choice will end the streak.

No Pressure, Anne

Yeah, maybe not.

Cleveland Has a Thing for Aluminum Foil, We See

Even in a sea of non-flashy stands located within the Westside Market, Steve's Gyros stands out for being as bare-bones as possible. 

Especially Because It Took Us a Full Circle of the Building to Locate It

A tub of lettuce, a vat of sauce, some spools of meat, and a few signs proclaiming such charming messages as "We don't cut gyros because we said so" and "the size of your gyro is based on the side of your attitude" are all that decorate their stark interior, and the service is similarly on the curt side.

Thanks For the Warm Welcome

As the first non-cordial people we have encountered in Cleveland, part of us really wants to dislike their creations merely as payback for their general grouchiness, but then, of course, we taste the thing.

Now You See It

Now You Don't

And oh boy, is this gyro delicious.

Who Expected Such Greatness from a Stand Who Seems to Only Offer Soft Drinks?

As we consume the pita-wrapped meat in a manner inconsistent with two girls who have already eaten three meals today, we are speechless with wonder: How can this seemingly simple sandwich be so unmistakably good? 

Cleveland, You're Starting to Give Us a Complex About Our Own City

The meat itself is unbelievably flavorful, the pita is warm and chewy, the sauce is downright delectable, and, being that we haven't seen a vegetable in a while, we're more than grateful for the lettuce and tomato. 

Thank Goodness for Small Fibrous Favors

Fearing that maybe Cleveland's food scene has skewed our judgment and we were doling out too many high ratings, we decide the gyro rates at 4 stars -- a solid 4 stars, but 4 stars nonetheless.

We Figure They Should Lose a Star for Their Charming Moods

Cut to that evening, lounging in our hotel room, and deciding that, despite the number of calories consumed in the past 24 hours, if we could have one of Cleveland's specialties delivered to us right at that moment, it would decisively be the gyro. 

Before We Die, We'd Like Another of Steve's Gyros

And therefore, Steve's gets bumped up to 5 star status: an ideal Cleveland sandwich wrapped up with a helping of New York attitude.  

Steve's Gyros's Beef Gyro: 5 stars*

*Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate

Off the Map: I Have the Perfect Buzz Right Now

Chicken Scarpariello -- Rao's, Las Vegas, NV
Rao's

Believe it or not, despite or proclivity for eating, drinking, and generally doing nothing, we are not the biggest fans of Las Vegas.  Ginger, who has only been to Sin City once, warned Vodka upon her first journey to the place, "I hope your Vegas experience is better than mine.  I lost a shoe, my dignity, and a perfectly good club sandwich."

Needless to Say, Vodka Inquired About the Club Sandwich First

Vodka has ventured to Sin City with her two friends, Chianti and Bloody Mary, who have taken part in quite a few Best Thing I Ever Ate dining experiences previously (in Seattle and Baltimore, respectively).  With both of them having already been to Las Vegas multiples times, Vodka has the unusual position of not being in charge, a status she is trying to embrace with varying effect.

On This Episode of "Control Freak Goes to Vegas"...

After a full day mostly consisting of Vodka trying to dart out of the sun, the three of us have descended on Rao's, the one Vegas locale Vodka was most insistent on going to, being that getting into the New York version of the establishment is all but impossible.  We are here to eat Anne Burrell's Best Thing I Ever Ate LAS VEGAS choice of the chicken scarpariello, though if Vodka doesn't get some pasta on her plate and fast, there is going to be a revolt.

A La Throwing the Picture Frames Off the Wall One by One

We are led to a booth in the back of the restaurant, which features a fireplace inexplicably decked out with Christmas decorations.

Deck the Halls?

The whole room is decidedly reminiscent of the Northeast, which as three native Jersey girls, we find pleasing in most respects, save for the haunted-house-type dim lighting.

Degree of Lighting (or Lack Thereof) Is Accurate

First things first, it is time for a cocktail, and Vodka chooses the East 114th, primarily because it features bourbon, which ever since her trip to Louisville, has become her liquor of choice.

Bourbon O'Clock

Bloody Mary picks the All in the Family, and Chianti, the Sin City.  When the drinks arrive, we are rather unimpressed, as thanks to their accompanying plastic straws, they all have the decided look of something one could get for free at the blackjack table.

Would It Kill Them to Give Us Some Martini Glasses?

That said, they are pleasing enough, as a half hour later, Bloody Mary, without warning, announces, "I have the perfect buzz right now.  Remind me of this moment when I'm throwing up later."

Time to Soak Up Some Booze with Bread

For food, we choose to share the fried green tomato and mozzarella appetizer special, plus the pasta shells, ravioli purses, eggplant parmesan, and chicken scarpariello.  The appetizer -- along with the bread basket -- is good, if mostly due to the fact that we are starving.

Southern Living Via NYC Via Las Vegas

Both of the pastas are similarly tasty -- well-cooked and al dente, and we enjoy the fact that they are portioned onto our plates right in front of us (in other words, the less work we have to do, the better).

Noodles Are on Vodka's Plate, and All Is Right with the World

Family Style at a Very Controlling Hostess's House

The eggplant parmesan, however, is dry and rather tasteless, and by the end of the meal, 80% of it remains on its serving dish.

Color Us Unimpressed

In contrast, the chicken scarpariello -- a dish none of us would ever order (Chianti because she's a vegetarian, Bloody Mary because who goes out to eat and orders chicken, and Vodka because heaven forbid she go to an Italian restaurant and not get pasta) -- is a pleasant surprise.

If We Could See It, It Would Be an Even Better Surprise

The chicken itself, which is served on the bone, is extremely moist and flavorful, and the accompanying pickled peppers and sausage bring out its spicy and sour notes.

Finger Lickin' Good

While none of us have had this concoction before, we can only assume that it is the best possible version.

At Least the Best Version Served in Utter Darkness

We end the meal with macchiatos for Bloody Mary and Chianti, while going through the most complicated attempt to count how many states we have each been to of all time ("I counted 52 states.  We're done."  "There are 50 states.")

Needless to Say, Our School District Did Not Offer Geography

This trip to Nevada brings Vodka to a grand total of 20 states, and considering she's halfway through her Vegas vacation and still has both shoes on her feet, thus far, it seems a marked improvement over Ginger's Sin City adventure.  That is, if she doesn't lose any stray club sandwiches along the way.

Rao's Chicken Scarpariello: 4 stars

Ahhh H-H-HOT!

Bone Marrow & Oxtail Marmalade -- Blue Ribbon

Blue Ribbon

Perhaps we have been a bit lax on the Best Thing I Ever Ate eating front as of late, but we have a good reason: we have been abiding by the Mediterranean diet.  Well, at least the part of the diet that encourages us to "drink at least seven glasses of red wine a week."

This Is a Diet Plan We Can Get Behind

For this reason, as we settle into our "date table" at Blue Ribbon (apparently, when eating at 4:00pm, the corner banquet is the table of choice), our first mission is to order a bottle of red wine.  Ginger falls into her typical role of "domineering husband" and does the choosing for us, the main factor behind the decision-making being the attached price tag.  

If We Can Only Have Seven Glasses a Week, Can We Please Get Some Larger Pours?

We sip on our glasses of pinot noir and look forward to diving into the bread basket, which arrives not so much as a "basket" as a "giant loaf slapped on a cutting board."  

Are We Just Supposed to Start Taking Bites?!

We look blankly at said oversized roll for a few seconds before Vodka grabs the relatively miniscule knife and tries to make some headway.

And seven minutes later, she is still carving.

Why We Never Became Brain Surgeons

"Um, could someone cut our bread for us?" she mumbles, as Ginger begins spreading the seemingly bottomless bowl of butter across a hacked-off slice.  

Objects on the Cutting Board May Be Deeper Than They Appear

After taking entirely too long (read: three pieces of bread each) to figure out that the butter is unsalted, Vodka is appropriately appalled and begins emptying the salt shaker on top of each smear.

And We Subsequently Begin Refusing to Cut the Bread At All

"Put it on the suggestion card," Ginger pipes up, "Need bigger knife and salt for bread."  Despite our complaints, we have no qualms about agreeing to the bread boy's offer to supply us with yet another Schwarzenegger-sized loaf and repeating the process all over again.

And Naturally, Like Giving a Mouse a Cookie, We Are Going to Need More Butter

Eventually, after scattering bread crumbs over half of the restaurant, we manage to place our order for bone marrow and oxtail marmalade, as recommended by Anne Burrell on the ORIGINAL Best Thing I Ever Ate special.  Now, we are not exactly well-versed in bone marrow, as Vodka has tasted it exactly once and Ginger has never even been in the same room as the stuff.  Therefore, when the overflowing platter of skeletal remains, meaty jelly, coarse sea salt, and crispy brioche arrive, we stare blankly at the proceedings.  

Bringing a New Meaning to the Term "Big Boned"

Our waiter picks up the quite obvious we-don't-know-what-we're-doing social cue that we're sending out to the universe, and he demonstrates how to push the marrow through the bone and then spread it on top of the (thankfully neatly sliced) bread.  

A Dollop of Marrow

Like good pupils, we follow his direction, topping the gooey marrow with a hearty helping of marmalade and an even heartier helping of salt.

And we have to admit that Anne Burrell is not lying about this stuff.

Good Thing We Procured That Extra Bread

The marrow itself, which is salty (and thus pleasing) in its own right, is only enhanced by the thick portion of sweet oxtail marmalade.  The bread is toasted to perfection, and the crunch of the sea salt ties the whole thing together.  

Hey Blue Ribbon - How About Distributing Some of That Salt IN THE BUTTER?

We are on the verge of giving the dish 5 stars before Vodka gets stingy with her ratings and decides that, according to our system, this marrow is only broaching the 4 star territory (being that we wouldn't make it a point to come back to Blue Ribbon in order to eat this dish, but rather, if we happened to be back here, we would order it again).

The Burial Grounds

In the midst of our carnivorous consumption, we manage to also order a platter of pierogies and Blue Ribbon's famous fried chicken.  

After We Get Our Table Cloth Scraped of Crumbs AGAIN

When both items arrive while the marrow is still on our table (along with the bread loaf, the wine bottle, wine glasses, water glasses, and both dinner and bread plates), we bemoan the fact that the waitstaff is not springing to give us two tables, especially since the time is now 5pm, and we are STILL the only ones in the restaurant.  

And For the Record, the LAST Thing We Will Sacrifice Off of the Table Is the Wine

Soldiering on, we get to work on the pierogies, which are not Blue Ribbon's finest work.  Lukewarm and rather soggy, they taste as if they've been sitting out for a while (and not just on our overly-crowded date table).  

Maybe Instead of Arranging Them Into a Perfect Pinwheel, You Could Have Just BROUGHT THEM TO US

Ever Hear of a Heat Lamp?

Instead of getting the positive effect of hot pierogie-against-cold sour cream, the whole thing is tepid.  And the Polish girl in Vodka is none too pleased.

Someone Get Us Some Mrs. T's, and Stat

In contrast, the fried chicken nearly burns our faces off.  We each pick up a piece, bring it to our mouths, and promptly drop it into freefall while fanning our tongues and yelling "H-H-HOT!"  Clearly, there is some temperature-related dysfunction going on in the Blue Ribbon kitchens.

Consistency Does Not Live Here

When we finally manage to bring our lips close enough to the chicken to taste the stuff, it is good.  Not great, but good. 

Translation: It's Fine

We both wildly prefer Hill Country's fried chicken, as Blue Ribbon's is greasier, more peppery, and seems to rely heavily on the crispiness of the skin over the flavor of the chicken itself. 

And Being That the Skin Falls Off on Impact, It Is NON-IDEAL

The sides that accompany the meat are equally underwhelming -- the mashed potatoes are soupy and the collard greens seem undercooked (though we admittedly do not make a habit of eating collard greens, so perhaps the fairer assessment is "We don't like them"). 

Taking "Roughly Chopped" to a New Level

Overall, the bone marrow dish is by far the star of Blue Ribbon's menu, and as Vodka can be seen photographing one dish after another, she remarks, dripping with disdain, "They probably think we have a Yelp page."

And How Dare We Be Treated Like Yelp Users!

But no, Blue Ribbon.  We have our very own blog which we are barely keeping a handle on.  Though based on our early bird dining experience within your establishment, we are considering renaming it "It's Not Even 6pm Somewhere."

Blue Ribbon's Bone Marrow & Oxtail Marmalade: 4 stars