Off the Map: After All That, We Forgot the Pickles

Fried Pickle Chips -- Blue Ridge Grill, Atlanta, GA

Blue Ridge Grill

Blue Ridge Grill looks more like a lodge out of the hills of Vermont than it does a restaurant across from an Atlanta strip mall.

Come for the Food, Stay for the View

Despite this dichotomy, the place is packed when Vodka and her friends, Bloody Mary and Sazerac, arrive at 8:00pm... meaning we don't get seated for nearly a half hour.

And Heaven Knows How Patient Vodka Is When Her Cocktails Are Delayed

We are here to eat the fried pickle chips, as praised by Alton Brown on the FINGER FOOD episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate. However, by the time we are actually seated, the only thing we can concentrate on ordering is our booze, and it is not until the waiter has walked away from our table that Bloody Mary correctly realizes that, in her sober stupor, Vodka has forgotten to order said pickle chips.

YES I WILL HAVE A MARTINI PLEASE HURRY

Once this mistake is corrected, and our palms are soothingly wrapped around cocktail glasses, we find the pickles to be just as pleasing as Alton had promised.

How Cucumbers Were Meant to be Eaten

Cut thinly and coated with a solid, but not overwhelming, amount of batter, they are fried to perfection and accompanied by a buttermilk dipping sauce.

Finger Food You Can Eat by the Fistful

Even though the item is not technically on the menu, we find that nearly every table in the vicinity is chowing down on them, which begs the question as to why Blue Ridge Grill continues to keep their pickles under wraps.

And Also Begs the Question Why Atlanta Likes to Treat Their Best Dishes Like a Speakeasy

The rest of our meal is good, if unremarkable. 

In Other Words, Vodka Doesn't Remember What We Ate

Perhaps These Photos Will Ring Some Bells

Or Not

Along with the pickles, the personal highly for Vodka is that her dirty martinis are accompanied by blue cheese-stuffed olives, and the chocolate mints that arrive with our check. Notably these are both things that Vodka did not have to remember to order.

Please Just Bring Vodka the Things She Likes Unprompted

Perhaps the secret pickle chips should take note.

Blue Ridge Grill's Fried Pickle Chips: 4 stars

Off the Map: Texan Tea Party

Afternoon Tea -- The Adolphus, Dallas, TX

The Adolphus

In truth, the only reason Vodka and her college roommates, Diet Coke and Whiskey Sour, are staying at the Adolphus Hotel in Dallas is for their afternoon tea, which was recommended by Kerry Vincent on the FINGER FOOD episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate.

How Fortuitous That Vodka Has a Table All to Herself for Picture-Taking Purposes

Rather than elegant dining gear, the three of us traipse into the tea room carting various degrees of footwear, thermal layers, and merchandise from the George W. Bush Presidential Library.

Nerd Vacationing at Its Finest

In other words, we are really classing up the joint.

Vodka Was Devastated That This Gem Was Not for Sale

Thankfully, if the staff is judging us, their poker faces are on point as they explain how the proceedings will work: each of the three courses (sandwiches, scones, and treat tray) will come with a tea "pairing." 

The Bar -- So Close, and Yet So Far

We Are Only Now Realizing That They Sat Us in the Dim Back Corner. Hmmm...

The menu is left with us for the entirety of the meal, which is useful, as the only thing Vodka managed to jot down in her notes is "Diet Coke is counting the number of Canadian provinces she's been to," which is not entirely helpful information for a FOOD BLOG.

Study This Carefully, As Its the Only Insight You're Going to Get About What We're Eating

While all of the teas are quite tasty (though a little "twisted tea" never hurt anyone, now did it, Adolphus?), we'd have trouble differentiating them from each other in a line up. 

They Pretty Much All Looked Like This, So Take Our Word for It

The sandwiches, as Kerry Vincent had described, pack a deceiving punch despite their miniature size, and in the end, we all prefer a different variety. 

Sandwiches from Polly Pocket's Deli

Similarly, the scones -- one savory and one sweet -- are some of the best we have ever tasted, especially, for Vodka, when laden down with a triple serving of clotted cream. 

Great Britain Conquers Texas

Save the Preserves and Pass the Cream

Would You Like a Little Scone with Your Condiments?

Finally, the two-tiered treat tray (sidenote: the Adolphus does not respond to this display as a "treat tray") is truly something to behold, as are the complimentary macaroons which we receive as a parting gift.

Treats, Treats, Everywhere

Taking One Bite from Each Like a Tea-Time Rodent

We Do Love a Gift Bag

For $55 a person, we could not recommend the Adolphus afternoon tea more highly. Unless, of course, they started spiking their teas with some good old Texas moonshine.

The Adolphus's Afternoon Tea: 5 stars**

**Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate

So Bring On the Figgy Pudding

Warm Barbecue Potato Chips with Blue Cheese and Bacon Dip -- Blue Smoke

Blue Smoke

There is a reason it has taken us so long to make our way to Blue Smoke.  After all, in what normal universe would we object to consuming homemade potato chips, immediately, if not sooner?

Come At Us, Carbs

But Blue Smoke is not just a restaurant, but also a jazz club, and if there is one kind of music we... how to say politely?

Well, we hate jazz.

Hi, Yes, Do You Guys Have Any Showtunes?

For this reason, when Ginger arrives at our table (which Vodka had already made the hostess switch, when she tried to seat us next to a table of babies.  Homie don't play that), Vodka asks with mild panic in her voice, "Where does the jazz happen?"  (The implication being, "Please don't let it be anywhere near us").

Ginger waves her hand dismissively.  "In another room.  Don't worry.  We're not close to it."

We Have Restraining Orders Out Against Saxophones

With that assurance, we move onto the most important item on our agenda: cocktails.  And it is at this point that our waiter realizes he has a long night ahead of him.

Primarily Because We're Too Busy Reading the Coasters to Pay Attention to Him

Ginger, after trying to talk said waiter into giving us a happy hour special (and failing), orders a Dark and Stormy.  Vodka, however, is trying to discern which, if any, of the specialty cocktails are not sweet, and when our waiter answers, "Um, none of them," she asks if she can have the Porch Swing made with "more gin, less lemonade."

"So Pretty Much Just Bring Me Some Gin"

This comment, while made somewhat ("somewhat") in jest, actually seems to come to fruition, as the bartender's less-sweet creation is not only delicious, but deceivingly strong (it is also a very large pour, which is always appreciated).  Apparently, these are the kinds of beverages patrons need to consume in order to sit through seventeen rounds of jazz riffs.

Though Considering the Headaches We Had the Next Day, Perhaps Blue Smoke's "Gin" Is "Rubbing Alcohol"

With our cocktails squared away, we order Susan Feniger's Best Thing I Ever Ate FINGER FOOD dish, the warm barbecue potato chips with blue cheese and bacon dip.  Not really in the mood for Blue Smoke's classic barbeque delicacies, we debate for many, many minutes about what else to order.  And while heaven knows we love a fat-laden calorie, it is at this time that we realize just how HEAVY all of the items on Blue Smoke's menu are -- there is pretty much nothing one can order and still leave the place not feeling like she has gained multiple pounds.

So, we figure, when in Rome, go for the fried stuff.

Preparing to Become the Pillsbury Doughgirls

We ask our now long-suffering waiter (who has approached our table three times now asking for our entree order, and each time has been waved away with a murmur of "We're drinking") what Jackie's fry bread is, and when he describes it as a "savory doughnut," we're instantly sold.  Within minutes, our first round of food -- the chips and the fry bread -- appear, and we dive in.

Well, we attempt to dive in.

Only the food, the fry bread in particular, is astoundingly hot.  Like, so hot that it's pretty much impossible to touch, let alone eat.  And we are not fond of being delayed from stuffing food into our mouths.

Waiter, Return This Dish to the Kitchen Until It Is Appropriately Lukewarm

We reach for the more temperate of the two dishes, the homemade potato chips, which Ginger has actually had before and was less than overwhelmed by.  The first couple of chips make Vodka think that Ginger was being too picky -- warm with a slight hint of barbecue seasoning, the chips themselves are mostly vehicles for the blue cheese and bacon dip.

Dip = The Greatest Condiment

On their own, the chips aren't all that interesting, but when combined with the dip, it makes for a pleasing, if not entirely original, combination.

Anyone Have a Bag of Utz To Top These Off?

But as we reach the bottom of the bucket, the bigger problem with these chips begins to emerge.  Generally speaking, we're not all that into when restaurants make their own potato chips for a few reasons:

1. They're usually overcooked...

2. ...And yet somehow soggy....

3. And the longer they sit, the more tightly they all stick together.

And indeed, all of these problems are true when it comes to Blue Smoke's chips.

This Dish Would Be More Appropriately Called "Warm Barbecue Potato CHIP"

By the bottom of the barrel, they are essentially one solid mass of greasy chip, in desperate need of some crispiness.  And based on the gallon of blue cheese dip we still have left, Blue Smoke needs some work when it comes to appropriate portions.

So Are We Just Supposed to Spoon The Rest of This DIRECTLY Into Out Mouths?!

When the fry bread has finally cooled down for us to taste, we are instantly disappointed.  The stuff is indeed like a doughnut in texture -- fluffy and soft and just barely fried on the outside.

A Glazed Doughnut Sans the Glaze

But it is so ridiculously BLAND that Vodka ends up using Blue Smoke's entire condiment collection in order to try to bring some flavor to the stuff (for the record, the salt is, naturally, the most effective).

Something In This Contraption Has Got to Have Some Taste to It

You Keep Your Magic Dust, Blue Smoke -- We'll Take Your Salt

At this point, not entirely impressed by Blue Smoke's food selection so far, we opt for a second round of cocktails, a Caesar salad, and an order of sticky toffee pudding.  The salad is decidedly "blah" -- essentially hunks of romaine hearts, hacked into pieces and sprinkled with an oily dressing and grocery store-style croutons.

We Pretty Much Ordered This Because It Was the Only Thing Not-Fried-Within-an-Inch-of-Its-Life on the Menu

We consume it half-heartedly, partially because we are already somewhat full from our foray into fried foods, but mostly because we think it could stand for a bit (okay, a ton) more dressing.

Is THIS What All the Extra Blue Cheese Dip Was For?!

However, lest you think everything (except the cocktails) at Blue Smoke is verging on the side of Average-to-Poor, we still have to contend with the sticky toffee pudding.  And this thing is a bit of majesty.

The Crown Jewels

Truth be told, we're not exactly sure what sticky toffee pudding is -- only that it's an English dessert (a fact we know because we consumed it in the England section of Epcot).  Indeed, multiple times through the course of the evening, we end up referring to it as "figgy pudding," and thus launching into confused versions of Christmas carols.

"How's It Go? 'Bring On the Figgy Pudding?'" "Bring US Some Figgy Pudding. Not Bring ON."

But despite our confusion, we are in love with this dessert -- the cake portion is moist yet sturdy, the accompanying toffee sauce is just sweet enough, and the sprinkle of pecans and whipped/sour cream over top pull the whole thing together.

Everything's Better with a Dollop of Cream

THIS, Susan Feringer, is 5 stars.  Those pesky potato chips are decidedly not.

Admittedly more than buzzed from our two cocktails, we make a great show about screwing up our bill, Vodka launches into a convoluted tale about hair care ("In a manic episode while drinking a lot of caffeine, I bought a hair dryer"), and Ginger begins hoarding Blue Smoke's toothpicks (which Vodka is convinced are matches, and thus accuses Ginger of taking up smoking).

Ginger Didn't Light the Fire

Needless to say, the Blue Smoke staff can't seem to get rid of us fast enough.  And lucky for us, we manage to trip our way out of the place before a single note of the dreaded jazz music hits our ears.

Blue Smoke's Warm Barbecue Potato Chips with Blue Cheese and Bacon Dip: 3 stars