Off the Map: You Gotta Get a (Different) Gimmick

Gnocchi Bread Bowl - DiAnoia's Eatery, Pittsburgh, PA

DiAnoia's Eatery

We want to love the gnocchi bread bowl. We really do. After all, it has seemingly every food item one could possibly want wrapped up in a single entree: pasta, cheese, vodka sauce, bread. And all of it - every last bite, including the actual receptacle in which it arrived - is edible.

Bring Us All Your Carbs

It's just, we don't actually love it.

To Be Honest, We're Not Even Sure We Like It

In the defense of DiAnoia's Eatery, Vodka and her college roommates, Diet Coke and Whiskey Sour, arrived at the restaurant none too hungry, after many happy hours in the lobby of the Omni William Penn. As we played a tournament's worth of rummy games, we consumed not only the world's most gigantic (and delicious) soft pretzel, but also a heaping platter of cheese curds.

A Reasonable Appetizer

Now, NOT in DiAnoia Eatery's defense, we felt compelled to engorge ourselves so excessively because we couldn't get a reservation with them until 9:00pm.

Which Is Approximately Four Hours Past Our Desired Dinner Time

All to say, when we finally stumble into the place, we are not exactly ravenous, but we are still quite eager to try the gnocchi bread bowl, as featured by Courtney Rada on the UPPER CRUST episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate. 

Hey, DiAnoia's, How About Throwing in a Bottle While We Wait for Our Midnight Reservation?

Along with the featured bowl, we order the house salad, three meatballs, the al limone pasta, and for dessert, the zeppole.

So Obviously, We Weren't THAT Full

The first thing to note about the bread bowl is it is enormous. Nine-ish inches in diameter, it is filled to the top (and spilling over) with gigantic gnocchi and a heaping of vodka sauce. The gnocchi themselves are well-cooked - not mushy at all, which is a fate that tends to befall this variety of pasta. 

Vodka Generally Prefers a Long Pasta, Though She Did Not Enjoy DiAnoia's Al Limone

The sauce, too, is good, if nothing hugely memorable. But the dish itself just never quite comes across as anything more than a big gimmick.

What Utensil Would YOU Use to Conquer This Item?

While the idea of having bread itself as the vehicle for a pasta dish seems ingenious, because one is unable to actually taste the bread before a solid portion of the pasta is gone, it renders the whole thing a bit useless. Additionally, the bread itself is rather lacking in flavor, like the world's most bland pizza crust.

A Rave Review, This Decidedly Is Not

After we only manage to polish off about a quarter of the contents, we heave the rest of the bread bowl into a plastic to-go container and share it the following day, straight out of our hotel refrigerator. Even with the benefit of having hardened into a more consumable form, the dish just doesn't taste like much, and Whiskey Sour winds up courting the remaining third back home with her.

And If You're STILL Not Good After Congealing for a Day, Is There Really Any Hope?

From the rest of the meal, the donut dessert is a highlight, though frankly, nothing presented at DiAnoia's Eatery comes close to the perfection that was our giant pretzel. 

Might These Also Come with a Side of Yellow Mustard?

And this only proves that, in PIitsburgh and beyond, sometimes gimmick dishes work out for the best, but more often then not, without any substance behind them, they'll simply never make you a star.

DiAnoia's Eatery's Gnocchi Bread Bowl: 3 stars

Off the Map: In Pittsburgh, No Plates Means No Problems (and Plenty of Soap)

Cap & Egg - Primanti Bros., Pittsburgh, PA

Primanti Bros.

The first majestic thing to take place during Vodka's inaugural trip to Pittsburgh, PA, is she gets carded. 

For This Fact Alone, Vodka May Have Found Her New Favorite City

As she's now pretty much double the age when an ID consultation would be understandable, she is beyond thrilled that her Moscow Mule order resulted in a study of her birth year. 

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall, Who's the Drunkest of Them All?

Equally thrilling is that she is finally about to consume that legend of a Western Pennsylvania entree, a Primanti Bros. sandwich.

Hello, Gorgeous

The entirety of Vodka's knowledge of Primanti Bros. comes from the fact that they stuff their French fries directly onto the sandwiches themselves, a practice for which she and her two college roommates, Whiskey Sour and Diet Coke, are equally excited. 

And Yet Somehow Still Tempted to Ask for a Side of French Fries

According to Best Thing I Ever Ate, Vodka must order the Cap & Egg, as recommended by Rachael Ray on the UNBEATABLE BREAKFAST episode. Whiskey Sour and Diet Coke both choose the Pitts-Burger, which is heavily advertised as the "#2 Best Seller" all over the establishment... with no mention of which delicacy owns the top spot.

And For This Evening's First Riddle....

It takes an exceptionally long time for the sandwiches to make their appearance, but this delay leaves ample opportunity for us to each visit the Primanti Bros. restroom, featuring a soap dispenser with a mind of its own. Squeezing out five squirts of turquoise soap per every hand swipe, the staff has seemingly "solved" this problem by installing a tub beneath the machine to catch the extra barrel of anti-bacterial goo.

Well, That's One Solution

The preponderance of soap means that our hands are extra clean by the time our sandwiches actually arrive -- good fortune, as they do so without a plate. Wrapped up in their own cocoons of parchment paper, they're gifted before us like a stork bestowing a newborn. 

A Heaven-Sent Bundle

The sandwiches themselves are enormous but not unwieldy - even Diet Coke, who has the smallest mouth and smallest appetite among us, can both eat it easily and (nearly) completely.

A Few Stray French Fries Escaping the Herd

The Cap and Egg makes for a very satisfying combination, though not one that Vodka would necessarily have chosen. The whole enterprise seems to be lacking a touch a seasoning and would do well with a condiment or two (though then again, Vodka has rarely met an entree that she didn't think needed salt).

A Side of Mayonnaise Also Would Not Be Entirely Out of Place

Whiskey Sour and Diet Coke similarly enjoy their Pitts-Burgers, but would also try a different sandwich during a return visit (Vodka is most intrigued by the kielbasi variety).

An Additional Menu Tip from the Other Side of the State: Pork Roll

The thick white bread used for all of Primanti Bros.'s creations molds perfectly around the contents, keeping everything in place and making for a relatively mess-free eating adventure. 

A Pittsburgh Burrito

Though even if it didn't, there's plenty of soap available with which to wash off afterwards.

Primanti Bros.'s Cap & Egg: 4 stars