Showing posts with label Las Vegas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Las Vegas. Show all posts

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Off the Map: Still Crazy (and Hostile and Drunk) After All These Years

Twenty Vegetable Fried Rice -- China Poblano, Las Vegas, NV
China Poblano

After twenty-two years of being friends with Vodka, Chianti and Bloody Mary knew to expect that at a certain point in our Las Vegas trip, she would grow hostile.
Things That Are Inevitable: Death, Taxes, Vodka Complaining
Unluckily for Jose Andres's China Poblano, our arrival on its premises coincides with the time Vodka has chosen to unleash her hostility, and Chianti and Bloody Mary and metaphorically cowering at the look of displeasure on Vodka's face.
Someone Appease the Situation with Some Cocktails, and Stat
"Why are we seated in the bar area?  We had a reservation," Vodka asks as soon as the hostess leaves our table.
Did We Not Already Make Clear That We Like Things QUIET?
"It's ALL a bar," Chianti points out, which one sweep around the room proves to be true.  In Vodka's defense, there is a lot to be confused by in China Poblano: the set-up; the Asian/Mexican fusion menu; the fact that the bathroom features a single stall; the cheap chopsticks; and the order of food arrival (but more on that later).
Seriously Though with the Splintery Chopsticks
We are here to consume Johnny Iuzzini's Best Thing I Ever Ate Twenty Vegetable Fried Rice from the LAS VEGAS episode, and of course, to consume a cocktail (or two).
Or Three or Four or Five
Vodka sticks to her weekend choice of Manhattans, while Bloody Mary picks the Ron Cooper and Chianti, the Little Riddle.
We're About to Swing from the Chandelier...
...or in China Poblano's Case, from Some Misplaced Bicycle Wheels
"That'll roll your socks down," Chianti proclaims immediately after tasting hers, so if nothing else, at least China Poblano's cocktails pack more of a punch that the weak foam-absent monstrosities at Wazuzu.
It Is Beginning to Make Sense Why This Place Consists Primarily of Bar
We soon place our food order for the fried rice, the vegetarian spring rolls, the Lucky 6 Siu Mai, the Beijing Glass, and the chilaquiles, along with one taco each (fish for Vodka and Bloody Mary, mushroom for Chianti).  We also specify that we'd like the chilaquiles to come out first, being that we are hankering for some nachos.
If There Is One Thing All of Vodka's Friends Have in Common, It Is a Solid Love of Carbs and Cheese
Cut to three minutes later, when a single fish taco is placed in front of Vodka as the taco delivery boy walks away without fanfare.
Um, Thank You?
"Why am I the only one with a taco?!" Vodka, patient as ever, calls out.  A minute later, a second fish taco is dumped in front of Bloody Mary, with Chianti's still missing in action.
What Happens to Tacos at China Poblano When They Aren't All Served At the Same Time: THEY FALL APART
"This is nonsense," Vodka announces, searching for someone -- anyone -- to seek out Chianti's absent taco.  "There are so many men in suits wandering around and nobody helping."  Without exaggeration, Chianti's taco eventually appears a solid five minutes after Vodka's had arrived -- from the initial tray of the same taco delivery boy.  To say this is an inefficient system is the tip of the iceberg, as it is one that doesn't even remotely make sense.
Better Late Than... Actually, Never Mind
Plus, as you may recall, we asked for the chilaquiles FIRST.
Doesn't This Look Appetizing?
"The waiter is trying hard," Bloody Mary defends our server, to which Vodka immediately retorts, "NOT HARD ENOUGH," as we all dive into our decidedly lukewarm tacos.  The fish variety is rather sad, free of the crispy fried coating that usually makes such creations enjoyable, and the mushroom one is certainly nothing to write home about.
In Other Words, BLEH
The Beijing Glass is placed on our table next (note: still no chilaquiles to be found) around the same time that the waiter comes by and tells us that they are out of spring rolls.

Um, what now?
Can't You Wrap This Up Into a Roll?!
How are you out of spring rolls, and even more egregiously, how are you out of spring rolls at 7:40pm?!  It's not exactly like we're burning the midnight oils around here.  This is Vegas -- it's practically noon, by relative standards of time, and you're out of a menu mainstay.
Way to Seal Your Fate Before the Meal Is Halfway Through, China Poblano
Rather than replace the dish, we ford through the other items we have chosen.  The Beijing Glass and sui mai are both fine if unremarkable, while the chilaquiles (once they finally arrive) are nothing short of delectable.
Fine...
...Fine...
...NOW WE'RE TALKING!
They are far and away the most successful dish we have tasted at China Poblano, and if left to our own devices (and if we had any confidence they'd ever make it out of the kitchen on time), we would eat two more plates of them.
Presumably Because We Are Hungry from Our Lack of Spring Rolls
In contrast, the twenty vegetable fried rice is nothing special.
Color Us Unimpressed
Save for a few more veggies than normal, we can't discern the difference between this variety and the one found in every Chinese takeout place across the country.
So Apparently All the Vegetables Have Been Placed On TOP of the Rice
Okay, Sooooo... It's Rice and It's Fried and It Has Vegetables In It....
We manage to lick the platter clean, mostly due to the fact that it is a solid morning-after-drinking food and we are decidedly on the downward spiral to tipsy.
Hey, Just Because It's Boring Doesn't Mean We Won't Eat It
Perhaps the greatest miracle of Vegas is that despite all of China Poblano's foibles, we leave the premises without Vodka taking out a waiter, a manager, or an unsuspecting busboy.  Or at least, that's the story we're sticking to.  After all, you know what they say about what happens in Vegas....

China Poblano's Twenty Vegetable Fried Rice: 3 stars

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Off the Map: I Have the Perfect Buzz Right Now

Chicken Scarpariello -- Rao's, Las Vegas, NV
Rao's

Believe it or not, despite or proclivity for eating, drinking, and generally doing nothing, we are not the biggest fans of Las Vegas.  Ginger, who has only been to Sin City once, warned Vodka upon her first journey to the place, "I hope your Vegas experience is better than mine.  I lost a shoe, my dignity, and a perfectly good club sandwich."
Needless to Say, Vodka Inquired About the Club Sandwich First
Vodka has ventured to Sin City with her two friends, Chianti and Bloody Mary, who have taken part in quite a few Best Thing I Ever Ate dining experiences previously (in Seattle and Baltimore, respectively).  With both of them having already been to Las Vegas multiples times, Vodka has the unusual position of not being in charge, a status she is trying to embrace with varying effect.
On This Episode of "Control Freak Goes to Vegas"...
After a full day mostly consisting of Vodka trying to dart out of the sun, the three of us have descended on Rao's, the one Vegas locale Vodka was most insistent on going to, being that getting into the New York version of the establishment is all but impossible.  We are here to eat Anne Burrell's Best Thing I Ever Ate LAS VEGAS choice of the chicken scarpariello, though if Vodka doesn't get some pasta on her plate and fast, there is going to be a revolt.
A La Throwing the Picture Frames Off the Wall One by One
We are led to a booth in the back of the restaurant, which features a fireplace inexplicably decked out with Christmas decorations.
Deck the Halls?
The whole room is decidedly reminiscent of the Northeast, which as three native Jersey girls, we find pleasing in most respects, save for the haunted-house-type dim lighting.
Degree of Lighting (or Lack Thereof) Is Accurate
First things first, it is time for a cocktail, and Vodka chooses the East 114th, primarily because it features bourbon, which ever since her trip to Louisville, has become her liquor of choice.
Bourbon O'Clock
Bloody Mary picks the All in the Family, and Chianti, the Sin City.  When the drinks arrive, we are rather unimpressed, as thanks to their accompanying plastic straws, they all have the decided look of something one could get for free at the blackjack table.
Would It Kill Them to Give Us Some Martini Glasses?
That said, they are pleasing enough, as a half hour later, Bloody Mary, without warning, announces, "I have the perfect buzz right now.  Remind me of this moment when I'm throwing up later."
Time to Soak Up Some Booze with Bread
For food, we choose to share the fried green tomato and mozzarella appetizer special, plus the pasta shells, ravioli purses, eggplant parmesan, and chicken scarpariello.  The appetizer -- along with the bread basket -- is good, if mostly due to the fact that we are starving.
Southern Living Via NYC Via Las Vegas
Both of the pastas are similarly tasty -- well-cooked and al dente, and we enjoy the fact that they are portioned onto our plates right in front of us (in other words, the less work we have to do, the better).
Noodles Are on Vodka's Plate, and All Is Right with the World
Family Style at a Very Controlling Hostess's House
The eggplant parmesan, however, is dry and rather tasteless, and by the end of the meal, 80% of it remains on its serving dish.
Color Us Unimpressed
In contrast, the chicken scarpariello -- a dish none of us would ever order (Chianti because she's a vegetarian, Bloody Mary because who goes out to eat and orders chicken, and Vodka because heaven forbid she go to an Italian restaurant and not get pasta) -- is a pleasant surprise.
If We Could See It, It Would Be an Even Better Surprise
The chicken itself, which is served on the bone, is extremely moist and flavorful, and the accompanying pickled peppers and sausage bring out its spicy and sour notes.
Finger Lickin' Good
While none of us have had this concoction before, we can only assume that it is the best possible version.
At Least the Best Version Served in Utter Darkness
We end the meal with macchiatos for Bloody Mary and Chianti, while going through the most complicated attempt to count how many states we have each been to of all time ("I counted 52 states.  We're done."  "There are 50 states.")
Needless to Say, Our School District Did Not Offer Geography
This trip to Nevada brings Vodka to a grand total of 20 states, and considering she's halfway through her Vegas vacation and still has both shoes on her feet, thus far, it seems a marked improvement over Ginger's Sin City adventure.  That is, if she doesn't lose any stray club sandwiches along the way.

Rao's Chicken Scarpariello: 4 stars

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Look Who Just Fell Off the Turnip Truck

Tiger Shrimp and Roasted Garlic Corn Tamales -- Mesa Grill
Mesa Grill

"I got lost," Vodka confesses to Ginger, plopping her stuff upon our table at Mesa Grill.  "I was trying to dine at the deli across the street."
Which, For the Record, Does Not Serve Tamales
With nary a reaction to Vodka's inability to navigate Fiftth Avenue, Ginger states, "I'm wearing my hunting outfit."

"Your what?!" Vodka looks at Ginger's camouflage-free outfit quizzically.

"Hunting outfit," Ginger points to the down vest piled up next to her.  "See, I didn't know what to wear, because my friend invited me to the Rangers game after this (so, by the way, the first thing I had to do was Google what sport the Rangers play), and I didn't know what clothes would fit in at Mesa Grill AND Madison Square Garden."

"So you settled on 'hunting'?"

"And the best part is, when I came in, the host asked, 'Can I check your -- ?' and then he didn't know what to call this thing," Ginger says, gesturing to her vest.  By this point, we are so taken with our own idiocy that we can barely concentrate on our waiter's delivery of Ginger's cactus pear margarita.
Pretty in Pink
As Vodka dives in to take a sip in order to see if she wishes to drink the same thing, the waiter pipes in, "It might be too tart for you."  Apparently, this waiter (aptly named 'Bobby,' though unfortunately not 'Flay') doubles as a cocktail taste soothsayer in his spare time.
For His Next Trick, He Will Make Both Margaritas Disappear
"Ugh, no!" Vodka practically spits her mouthful back into Ginger's glass and orders a regular (some would say 'boring') margarita without salt.  We also decide to split the Rough Cut Tuna Nachos, the Cremini Mushroom Quesadilla, and, as Michael Symon had recommended on the LAS VEGAS episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate, the Tiger Shrimp and Roasted Garlic Corn Tamales.
Honestly, We Were Expecting More of a Red Hot-Like Candy When We Heard 'Hot Tamales'
As we wait, Ginger reveals that while Vodka was wandering aimlessly on the wrong side of Fifth Avenue, a busboy had filled the water glass at Vodka's place, only to be reprimanded by our non-Flay Bobby waiter and forced to take it away until Vodka had arrived.  This policy strikes us as a colossal waste of both water and energy -- after all, what is going to happen to the water until Vodka arrives?!  The ice is going to melt and it will become "watery"?
If You'd Like to Inexplicably Refill This Glass, However, We Won't Object
When our bread basket arrives, we begin to realize that the waitstaff and busboys at Mesa Grill have been given a variety of such "misguided" (Ginger's favorite word) instructions: small plates are laid out and then taken away at rapid fire pace, and we can barely finish an item before it is swiped off of our table (when non-Flay Bobby does this to Ginger's barely full margarita glass later on, she gives him a look that can only be described as a "hostile snarl").
Don't Mess with Our Cocktails or Our Carbs
Additionally, our water glasses are refilled practically every time we take a sip, yet ironically, when we finally finish our meal, there is not a staff person in sight to bring us the check.  The whole service, overall, is a vision of inconsistent spastic-ness.
The Waitstaff Has Been Chewing on Too Many Hot Peppers in the Kitchen. The Spice Going To Their Heads
Thankfully, though, we have the bread basket to distract us from the frenetic energy around us, and it is a Scarpetta-like work of art.  Our favorite variety is a soft, salty, rosemary loaf of the most ideal texture imaginable, though the corn muffin and sourdough-like versions are also quite good, especially when laden with soft butter (of which plenty was provided).
Blue Moon Over Mexico
After the bread basket alone, we are convinced that we are in 5-star territory, no matter what the corn tamales taste like.
Though They Better Be Good - We're Not THAT Generous
At this point, Ginger starts looking towards the ceiling in an accusatory way, glaring at the hearty breeze that is hitting us every few seconds.  "That is a very aggressive fan," she states, and Vodka then becomes too busy trying to take pictures of the air circulating monstrosity to notice when our "entrees" arrive.
Now We Have It Out for Restaurant Cooling Systems, Too
First up, the Best Thing I Ever Ate tamales -- the corn mixture itself is stuffed into a corn husk with grilled shrimp and cilantro sauce drizzled over the top and spilling out.
Let's Just Ignore That Pesky Overgrown Greenery and Concentrate on the Important Stuff
At first, we're afraid that we're going to find the sweetness of the tamale off-putting against the savory shrimp, but the flavors meld together much more successfully than we had imagined.
Hey, Who You Callin' a Corny Shrimp?
However, these tamales do not hold a candle to what we actually would have chosen (along with the bread basket) as the Best Thing I Ever Ate dish of the night, the quesadilla.
Not Your Grandmother's Applebee's Appetizer
While the tamales are good -- certainly good -- they are a mere afterthought when it comes to the quesadilla dish.  Two fried tortillas stand stuffed with cheese and hearty mushrooms, topped by a fried egg (which Ginger is initially timid about but comes to find delectable) and healthy smotherings of ricotta and salsa verde.
Again with the Huge Sprig of Greenery, Flay?
Within one bite, we are obsessed, and while we came to Mesa Grill for the tamales, we are certainly staying for the quesadilla.
Or Two or Three
The only slightly disappointing dish among our three is the plate of nachos.  We had ordered them mostly because we had just been bemoaning the fate of Craftsteak and their version of nachos, which had been featured on the Best Thing I Ever Ate SNACK ATTACK episode, and which we will never get to try.  We had therefore chosen Mesa Grill's nachos option only because we wanted a large pile of crunchy chips coated in cheese and beans and guacamole.  Instead, we receive a plate of fresh tuna tartare with mango-habanero hot sauce and avocado crema, and a dainty bowl of fried chips on the side.

Not exactly our nacho ideal.
Ummm, We're Sorry... What Is This?!
The tuna itself is tasty enough, though if it had even a smattering more of  habanero spice, we probably would not have been able to consume it.
What Part of This Plate Spells 'Nachos' to You?
The chips are barely large enough to support the chunks of tuna (especially when the frantic busboys take away our bowl before we've even finished), and overall, these "nachos" (if we can even call them that) are just not what we wanted.
Somebody Pass the Tostitos, Please
Depriving ourselves of a second margarita, we instead decide to order dessert and ask non-Flay Bobby what he would recommend.  When he describes our first choice, the apple pie sundae, as being on the small side ("So we'd be sad, is what you're saying?" Ginger interprets), we settle on the chocolate bread pudding, mostly because Ginger is dying to shove toasted bourbon marshmallows in her mouth.
And Also Because It Contains the Word 'Bread'
The dessert proves to be fine, if entirely too chocolatey and too little whipped creamy for Vodka's tastes, but overall, we are satisfied.
Yet Unfortunately, We Are Not Drunk Off of the Marshmallows
And then we leave the place, and we officially fall off of our own proverbial turnip truck.

We are tasked with the goal of walking three blocks -- together -- to the subway.  Two blocks in, we find ourselves inexplicably separated, when mere seconds before, we had been walking next to each other.

How?!

To this day, it remains a nonsensical mystery how we ended up walking down opposite sides of 14th Street, having to resort to using our cell phones in order to find each other.  As we eventually navigate to our train, two figurative hillbillies making their way through the big city, Ginger's hunting outfit has suddenly never seemed more appropriate.

Mesa Grill's Tiger Shrimp and Roasted Garlic Corn Tamales: 5 stars*

*Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate