Stuffed Quahog -- Marshland Restaurant, Sandwich, MA
It seems only appropriate that Vodka should kick off the weekend of Ginger's Cape Cod wedding not with running errands, decorating the venue, or doing anything remotely helpful, but rather with stuffing her face in the name of Best Thing I Ever Ate loyalty.
|Pretty Sure the Bride Would Approve|
This is how Vodka and her wedding date, Whiskey Sour, wind up at Marshland Restaurant barely five minutes after crossing the bridge.
|Priorities: Eat First, Unless Cocktails Are Available. Then Drink First|
We are here to consume Duff Goldman's HOMETOWN FAVORITE choice, the stuffed quahog, which despite being advertised heavily on the establishment's website, is inexplicably not on the menu.
|Not the Menu|
Fearing she'll have to stage a disgruntled walkout (which would seem on-brand on the eve of Ginger's big day, to be honest), Vodka asks one of the congenial waitresses about the missing item, and she is assured that it is indeed available.
|Not Available: Levers for Straightening the TV Sets|
Mere minutes later, Vodka is delivered a giant clam shell piled high with... well, it just looks like breading.
|Is This a Clam or a Dinner Roll?|
She douses it with a solid helping of the accompanying melted butter and digs in, finding the creation to be... bready. Like, essentially just breadcrumbs toasted among a smattering of red peppers, butter, and presumably, clams.
|Like Biting Into a Soggy Ritz Cracker|
Usually, Vodka is all for a carb overload (she did once complain about crab cakes having too much crab, after all), but this ratio seems extreme.
|Perhaps Whiskey Sour Could Lend Her Some Salad for a Bit of Texture|
Whiskey Sour, a New England native and resident, finds the creation more pleasing and thinks that it is decidedly of its location, thus a good dish for making a local feel like he's home.
|Home Is Where the Bar Stools Are|
After Vodka drowns the entire clam in hot sauce and continues to look neutral about the whole endeavor, Whiskey Sour poses what should be an easy question:
"Do you even like clams?"
"Um, I don't know."
"Have you ever HAD clams?"
"I've had linguine with clams...."
|What? Does That Not Count?|
|Bargain Basement Beet Salad|
And in the end, it seems to make sense that Vodka's final meal before slinking off to Ginger's nuptials is one she finds completely mediocre.
|We Are Curmudgeons, After All|
What would make even more sense is if the meal came to a riotous conclusion with a biting customer service brawl, but alas, it appears that battle will have to wait for the next joint Vodka and Ginger outing, with or without Ginger's unsuspecting husband in tow.
Marshland Restaurant's Stuffed Quahog: 3 stars