Off the Map: Texan Tea Party

Afternoon Tea -- The Adolphus, Dallas, TX

The Adolphus

In truth, the only reason Vodka and her college roommates, Diet Coke and Whiskey Sour, are staying at the Adolphus Hotel in Dallas is for their afternoon tea, which was recommended by Kerry Vincent on the FINGER FOOD episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate.

How Fortuitous That Vodka Has a Table All to Herself for Picture-Taking Purposes

Rather than elegant dining gear, the three of us traipse into the tea room carting various degrees of footwear, thermal layers, and merchandise from the George W. Bush Presidential Library.

Nerd Vacationing at Its Finest

In other words, we are really classing up the joint.

Vodka Was Devastated That This Gem Was Not for Sale

Thankfully, if the staff is judging us, their poker faces are on point as they explain how the proceedings will work: each of the three courses (sandwiches, scones, and treat tray) will come with a tea "pairing." 

The Bar -- So Close, and Yet So Far

We Are Only Now Realizing That They Sat Us in the Dim Back Corner. Hmmm...

The menu is left with us for the entirety of the meal, which is useful, as the only thing Vodka managed to jot down in her notes is "Diet Coke is counting the number of Canadian provinces she's been to," which is not entirely helpful information for a FOOD BLOG.

Study This Carefully, As Its the Only Insight You're Going to Get About What We're Eating

While all of the teas are quite tasty (though a little "twisted tea" never hurt anyone, now did it, Adolphus?), we'd have trouble differentiating them from each other in a line up. 

They Pretty Much All Looked Like This, So Take Our Word for It

The sandwiches, as Kerry Vincent had described, pack a deceiving punch despite their miniature size, and in the end, we all prefer a different variety. 

Sandwiches from Polly Pocket's Deli

Similarly, the scones -- one savory and one sweet -- are some of the best we have ever tasted, especially, for Vodka, when laden down with a triple serving of clotted cream. 

Great Britain Conquers Texas

Save the Preserves and Pass the Cream

Would You Like a Little Scone with Your Condiments?

Finally, the two-tiered treat tray (sidenote: the Adolphus does not respond to this display as a "treat tray") is truly something to behold, as are the complimentary macaroons which we receive as a parting gift.

Treats, Treats, Everywhere

Taking One Bite from Each Like a Tea-Time Rodent

We Do Love a Gift Bag

For $55 a person, we could not recommend the Adolphus afternoon tea more highly. Unless, of course, they started spiking their teas with some good old Texas moonshine.

The Adolphus's Afternoon Tea: 5 stars**

**Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate

Off the Map: Don't Mess with Texas (Unless It Messes with You First)

Pecan Ball -- Cafe Pacific, Dallas, TX
Cafe Pacific

The most important thing you need to know about the pecan ball at Cafe Pacific is that it is receiving 4 stars despite the fact that it ended in us throwing up.

Bet You Didn't See That One Coming

But we're getting ahead of ourselves.

And Yes, We Promise That Our Liquor Comrades Were Not the Cause of Our Sudden Sickness

Vodka has made her inaugural journey to the great state of Texas to visit Dallas with her college roommates, Diet Coke and Whiskey Sour. 

Taking In Some of Dallas's Uplifting Assassination Sites

While Diet Coke's plane remains suspended in air somewhere over the Midwest, Vodka and Whiskey Sour venture to the Highland Park neighborhood to eat a pecan ball, as chosen by Kerry Vincent on the ICE CREAMY episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate.

What's Black and White and Sweet All Over?

But not before Vodka has an epic fight with the manager at Mi Cocina, the Mexican joint across the parking lot. You can take the girl out of Manhattan, but you can't take the customer service hostility out of the girl.

In Retrospect, Perhaps We Shouldn't Have Eaten the Whole Thing

Mi Cocina is relevant to this post mostly because we found the entire experience so stressful that by the time we arrive at Cafe Pacific, our frazzled, travel-weary nerves are hovering on the edge. 

Window View of the Scene of the Crime

Because of this, the quiet, inviting atmosphere of the establishment's old-fashioned decor is found to be especially favorable, as is the exceptionally congenial bartender. 

Fill 'Er Up, We'll Take a Glass of Everything

With the kitchen about to close, he asks if we would like any food, for which we request one pecan ball and two glasses of wine. 

Generous Pours to Suit Our Moods

Within moments, we are exceedingly more relaxed and ready to dive into the solid helping of dessert placed before us. 

Hello, Gorgeous

The pecan ball itself consists of vanilla ice cream rolled in pecans and topped by chocolate sauce, whipped cream, and brittle. And it is good. Very, very good. 

We're Not Usually Nuts-In-Desserts Type of Girls, But We'll Make an Exception Here

Each component works together perfectly in enhancing the others, and Whiskey Sour, who gave up sweets for Lent (apparently in her interpretation, Lent does not extend into the Texas border), finds it especially remarkable (perhaps because she hasn't had a touch of sugar in weeks).

Forbidden Fruit

By the time we have finished, the pecan ball is little more than a slushy soup coating the bottom of the plate, for which the bartender asks if we would like straws to sop it up. 

We Have Found Our People

As the evening proceeds, we suddenly realize that we are single-handedly closing the joint, but rather than being annoyed by our presence, the staff keeps multiplying behind the bar to engage with the very full and mildly drunk northeasterners.

Drunk on Chocolate Fudge, but Drunk Nonetheless

In other words, we leave Cafe Pacific extremely taken with the place. And then we return to our hotel room and promptly vomit.

Thanks for the Warm Welcome, Dallas

Now, we are blaming this turn of events on Mi Cocina and the two plates (each) of Mexican delicacies we consumed before the beloved pecan ball -- after all, who ever heard of ice cream resulting in food poisoning? Plus, while at Cafe Pacific, when Vodka asked our BFF, the bartender, if he ever frequented Mi Cocina, his response was, "Not very often," which pretty much tells us all we need to know.

We'll Never Look at Tex-Mex Quite the Same Way

And so, while in the opening joust between Dallas and Vodka, the city may think it has gained the upper-hand, we refuse to be taken out so easily. So bring it on, Texas, because a thrown-up pecan ball in the evening never scared us away. And now you know who not to mess with.

Cafe Pacific's Pecan Ball: 4 stars