Dear Food Network Stars,
From now on, please refrain from choosing Best Thing I Ever Ate dishes across the river(s) from Manhattan so we can stop making idiots of ourselves.
Vodka and Ginger
|Time to Start Swimming|
Against these odds, we have decided to make our way to Hoboken, NJ.
|Hoboken Is Practically An Outer Borough, Right?|
|Hours of Steadfast Research Have Led to This Moment|
|In Need of a Hoboken Tour Guide|
Here's a hint, morons: it's the one marked "Hoboken."
|Palm, Meet Forehead|
Well, as "inconspicuous" as one can be while whipping bags of beef jerky out of one's handbag.
|Not the Way to "Blend In" on Public Transportation|
"I forgot, I brought these for you," Vodka says, tossing two bags of jerky onto Ginger's lap.
|What? Not Everyone Travels with Jerky?|
|Jerky Is Useful for the Next Time You Find Yourself Crossing a River Against Your Will|
|Sandwich with Cigarette Flavoring?|
|The Irony Being That We Consider Maneuvering Through This Island a Figurative Walk in the Park|
And then Hoboken starts denying us alcohol left and right, and we turn against the place in one fell swoop.
|A Sign Which Would Have Been Useful at This Particular Point in Time|
In a word, "No."
|Don't Tempt Us Like That, Vito!|
|How Did These Boards Possibly Get So Smeared Way Up on the Ceiling?!|
|Anyone Have Any Rum?|
|Cheese Tends to Have This Thrilling Effect on Us|
|New Jersey: We Do Hoagies Right|
|Note: We Like a "Moldable" Roll; Not a "Moldy" Roll. Vital Difference|
"I should've brought vodka," Ginger complains halfway through her portion.
"I have a flask and everything," Vodka agrees. "I was just so intent on the jerky that I didn't think."
|For Future Reference, Never Let Dried Meet Take Priority Over Booze|
Only to be turned away by the BYOB establishment. BYOB?! What the heck, Hoboken?
|Does No One Around Here Have Their Priorities Straight?!|
|Environmentally Friendly Bags for Miles, But Not a Lick of Alcohol|
|It Is, After All, Cuatro de Mayo|
And then, as if gifted to her from the Ironic Gods, "Marghertia Restaurant" appears before us, a place that serves margherita pizzas but no margarita drinks. Thanks, Hoboken.
|This "Irony" Would Have Been Funnier Had We Had Some Margaritas In Us|
|Glory Be, It's Tequila Time|
Three times, Hoboken?! Three times you're going to thwart us on the drink front?
|This Sort of Cocktail Calamity Is Why We Don't Cross Rivers|
|Don't Know How We'll Fight Our Way Past the Massive Crowds (...)|
|The Happiest We've Been All Night|
Ginger pauses for a moment. "Don't worry. When they turn 21, they will abandon all physical activity for booze and the Hoboken ferry."
Vito's Deli's Smoked Mutz Hero: 4 stars