Friday, June 3, 2016

Off the Map: Unfortunately, the Noodles Are the Only Ones Drunk

Drunken Noodles with Chicken -- Wazuzu, Las Vegas, NV

If there is one thing we have learned from doing this blog, it is to be suspicious of Giada Di Laurentiis's tastes.
Is This 'Best Thing I Ever Ate' or 'Best Thing My Dog Ever Ate'?
While we wouldn't say she has the worst track record for picking Best Thing I Ever Ate dishes, hers are most certainly not the most successful.  Therefore, Vodka and her friends, Chianti and Bloody Mary, approach Wazuzu in Las Vegas, home of Giada's favorite drunken noodles with chicken from the WITH CHOPSTICKS episode, with trepidation.
Giada's Been Here, You Say? In That Case, We'll Be Leaving
One thing that impresses Chianti about Wazuzu's menu is the full page of vegetarian options in the back (being that she's a long-term treehugger and all).  One thing that does not impress any of us is the looks of our three cocktails once they appear on our table.
Again With the Plastic Straw, Vegas?!
We have ordered the Pair of Cards, Thai Silk and Coconut Mojito, all of which look like they should be served poolside at a resort -- not exactly bad, but not exactly what we're in the mood for either.  To add insult to injury, upon placing her coconut mojito in front of her, the waitress tells Chianti, "Sorry, we're out of coconut foam."

"Coconut foam?"

"It's supposed to be on your drink, but the dispenser isn't working."  At this news the three of us exchange glances, and the second the waitress is out of earshot, Chianti reveals, "She should have never told me that.  I wouldn't have known what I was missing, but now I feel like I'm being deprived."
Waitressing 101: Don't Give Vodka & Co. an Added Reason to Complain
The arrival of our food proves equally disappointing, particularly the Best Thing I Ever Ate dish itself.
By the Looks of Things, This Should Cost $2.99 and Be Served in a Paper Takeout Container
Vodka, who has rarely met a noodle dish she didn't like, is far from taken with this platter in front of her, which does not taste any better than the Asian dishes served to us the previous day at the all-you-can-eat buffet.  Nothing about this dish is overtly bad -- it is just boring as all get-out, and certainly not worth a mention on a nationally broadcast food program.
Thwarted Yet Again by Giada's Questionable Tastes
If there is one standout among our food, it is Bloody Mary's tuna sushi rolls, which taste almost as pretty as they look.
Now This -- THIS We Could Have Gotten Behind
Her wonton soup, along with Chianti's vegetarian ramen, are pleasing, if far from remarkable, and overall, we feel that the meal could have been a lot more successful if our cocktails actually tasted like, you know, alcohol.
Goldilocks-Sized Bowls: From the Small... the Gigantic (and Chock Full of Leaves)
As it stands, we walk out of Wazuzu resolutely sober, with not even a smattering of coconut foam to hold dearly in our memories.

Wazuzu's Drunken Noodles with Chicken: 3 stars

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