As we stand on the sidewalk outside of Tartine Bakery, Vodka
transcribing Ginger's "stellar" culinary feedback, she turns to find
Ginger standing with her cell phone posed to her ear.
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| Two Days in San Francisco and We're Apparently Sick of Each Other's Company |
"Hi, I was calling to see if you have maple bacon donuts today?" Ginger chirps by way of answer.
"Oh,
this should be good...," Vodka whispers, flashbacks of Ginger's epic
"Do you have cinnamon buns?" call flashing through her head.
"Weekdays?" Ginger asks the phone, panic spreading across her face, being that today is Saturday. "Oh, so today, too?"
By this point, Vodka is laughing audibly at whatever is going on in this conversation.
"Yes, we'll take one," Ginger wraps up the call. "Oh, well, okay thanks." She hangs up the phone. "Well, THAT was awkward."
"Were they foreign?!" Vodka asks,
trying to discern what kind of accent could have possibly caused Ginger
to have so much trouble comprehending what they were saying.
"No," Ginger admits. "She must have
said that they have the maple bacon donuts every day, but I heard
'weekdays.' So she repeated that it was every day, and like a dolt, I
said, 'So today, too?' This woman is totally going to know it's me when
we arrive."
 |
| It's Never Good to Establish a Reputation for Yourself BEFORE You Arrive at the Restaurant |
We trudge up a particularly steep hill, and thus lapse into silence, but Ginger continues her phone tale
of woe when we reach the top. "She also asked if I wanted her to hold
the donuts for me. So I said, 'Yes, just one.' And she was like,
'Oh... well, we'll definitely have one.' I can't really describe the
level of awkwardness."
 |
| She Essentially Just Asked Dunkin Donuts to Hold One Munchkin |
Luckily for Ginger, when we reach
Dynamo, after skedaddling through what can be described as an
"interesting" section of the Mission District (ahem), there are at least
25 workers behind the counter, and a multitude of people ordering maple
apple bacon donuts.
Saved in this round, Ginger.
 |
| Anonymity Is Always Our Friend |
We
order our donut from the counter outside -- just the one, despite the
plethora of donuts to choose from.
 |
| "If You Peruse Our Menu -- " "Yeah, We Don't Need It. We Called Ahead" |
Chris Cosentino had spoken of this
donut on the WITH BACON episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate, and we are
vaguely optimistic about it due to the whole salty/sweet component. We
carry our donut to the inside seating area and prepare to take a bite.
Only be distracted by what can only be described as the "self-proclaimed foodies" next to us.
 |
| They're Just Like Us! Only We Hate Them Instantly |
This
group is making a gigantic project out of photographing, and then
tasting, their assortment of donuts, making references to their food blog
all along the way. The difference between these people, and us, is that
they clearly think they are doing work on behalf of the James Beard
Foundation and are taking themselves ENTIRELY too seriously.
 |
| "I Detect the Faintest Hint of Smoke in the Back Ends of My Taste Buds..." "SHUT UP!" |
As if for
spite, we each take repeated munches of our donut without so much as a
single phrase leaving our lips, just to prove that we don't have
pretentious debates about the merits of a DONUT.
 |
| Just Eat It Already. You're Not Ruth Reichl |
In
truth, this donut is softer than we had imagined it would be --
somewhere between a cake texture and a lighter yeast. The surface is glazed
by a maple topping, with small sprinkles of bacon scattering the
edges. The donut essentially tastes like a piece of bacon dredged in
maple syrup ("It tastes like breakfast"), and while we get almost no
hint of the apple flavoring, it is quite good. It is certainly better
than the PBJ donut we were forced to consume at Doughnut Plant years
ago, though we believe it could stand for just a tad more salt/bacon to
even out the combination.
 |
| See? That Is How You Describe a Donut Without Pretending It's Foie Gras |
When we leave Dynamo to head to
our third, and not even final, dessert of the day, Ginger's hostility
toward the "foodies" next door explodes.
 |
| We Should Have Slipped Them One of These Just to Hear Their Commentary |
"Why do people take themselves so seriously?" she begins. "No one cares
about your blog! At least we know no one cares about ours."
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| Most. Stellar. Greeting. Card. Ever. |
Indeed, you can call us many things, but donut snobs? That is one moniker that will never fit our description.
Dynamo Donut and Coffee's Bacon Apple Maple Donuts: 4 stars
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