Here
is the difference between Vodka and the Providence, RI, Uber drivers:
she expected to make it out of their town alive; they felt no obligation
to fulfill this expectation.
 |
| Oh Yes, By All Means, Feel Free to Drive Right Through This Fence |
At least, this is the
conclusion Vodka has drawn after a particularly reckless driver decided
that highway medians were merely rough guidelines, and certainly
something that his minivan could plow over without incident. Guess what?
There was an incident.
 |
| Because Somehow, When It Comes to Us, There Is ALWAYS An Incident |
When, by some miracle, Vodka
and her friend, Mezcal, manage to arrive at Al Forno relatively
unscathed, we are not exactly in our right minds.
 |
| And the 93 Possible Entrances With Locked Doors Don't Help |
Full on ignoring the
bustling bar area of the restaurant, Vodka asks our seemingly confused
waiter, "Do you have cocktails or just wine?" as if she has absolutely
no idea how one orders alcohol.
 |
| Heaven Knows She's Done Enough of It in Her Day -- It Should Surely Be Second Nature by Now |
Additionally, while attempting to
photograph the corn on the cob ceiling decor, it takes Vodka much longer
than it should to realize that her flash is inexplicably turned on (one
of her own top 10 restaurant pet peeves), resulting in not only blurry
pictures, but Vodka scolding herself in an unintelligible rant.
 |
| "Wait, Is My Flash On?! How Is My Flash On?! My Flash Is Never On!" |
 |
| Once Vodka Remembered How to Use Her Camera |
It
is in this state that our waiter decides to start an endless monologue
featuring the most prolific list of dinner specials known to man (which,
not for nothing, it is soon revealed that at least half of these dishes
are already "sold out." In which case, why don't you STOP TELLING US
ABOUT THEM so we can all move on with our lives? After all, if the
Providence Uber drivers have anything to say about it, we won't have
much of our lives left to live.)
 |
| No Need for Niceties -- Just Bring Us Some Food |
Once he is finally
finished enlightening us, we settle on the fedelini with rib eye
meatballs and a Manhattan (Vodka) and the pepperoni pizza with a class
of Malbec (Mezcal).
 |
| Call Us Crazy, But Pretty Sure the Olive Garden Could Do Better |
While we wait, we receive a bread basket with the
teeniest, tiniest pitcher of olive oil this side of the Atlantic,
leaving us to assume that along with running out of all of their nightly
specials, Al Forno is also beginning to run low on its condiments.
 |
| Can You Spot the Miniature Olive Oil? |
Our
entrees end up being strictly "fine," if verging on pedestrian. But
after all, they are not the reason we're here. That distinction falls on
the golden delicious apple tart, as recommended by Alex Guarnaschelli
on the SWEET TOOTH episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate.
 |
| We Nearly Lost Our Lives for You, Apple Tart. You Best Be Worth It |
The tart itself is
indeed as pretty as Alex had described, with extremely thin slices of
apple tucked into a bed of dough and powdered sugar.
 |
| Essentially a Pie Without Its Top |
And its taste?
Well, it's certainly not bad. The crust is thin and ever-so-slightly
browned, the apples aren't overpoweringly sweet, and the combination of
the two is pleasing enough.
 |
| Why Eat the Fruit When You Can Eat the Carbs? |
But is it life-changing? Definitely not. Would it convince us to make another trip to Al Forno, or
to Providence itself? Not necessarily.
Especially not if a median stood in our way.
Al Forno's Golden Delicious Apple Tart: 3 stars
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