We Never Met a Chocolate We Didn't Like... Until Today

Max Brenner – Chocolate Pizza
Max Brenner

We love chocolate.  We love pizza.  We do not love chocolate pizza.

Aaron Sanchez said that the chocolate pizza at Max Brenner’s was the best PIZZA he ever ate.  Aaron Sanchez no longer has taste that we trust completely.

We arrive at Max Brenner still raving about the Toasted Marshmallow Shake at Stand, ready to further indulge our sweet tooth with a slice of chocolate pizza.  Upon walking in the door, we are greeted by a complete and total mob of insanity.  Clearly, we are missing out on the Max Brenner chocolate train: the place is packed.

Maneuvering to the counter, we manage, with a bit of confusion and struggle, to order a slice of chocolate pizza.  “Do you want marshmallows on that?” the salesgirl asks.  Why yes, if they’re anything like those found in the Toasted Marshmallow Shake, we’d like a heaping of marshmallows.

Marshmallow Cheese

We stand at the to-go tables by the pick-up counter, jammed in with half of Greenwich Village and no shortage of tourists.  And we wait for our number to be called.  And we wait and we wait.

It seems obvious that our inept fondue waiter has been fired from Artisanal Bistro and taken up employment at Max Brenner in the span of one hour.

Finally, our pizza slice arrives: pizza crust, gooey layer of warm melted chocolate, and a topping of slightly browned sticky marshmallows.  What could be wrong?

A lot.

Up Close and Personal

First of all, the slice is scalding hot, making it impossible to hold, let alone bite into without burning the top of one’s mouth, so once again, we have to wait for the whole thing to cool.  The chocolate and marshmallows are fine as far as milk chocolate and mini marshmallows go, but they are not The Best We Ever Ate.  And the crust – the crust is kind of gross.  Besides in format, it is like no other discernible pizza crust.  Bland and oddly textured, it's not strong enough to support the weight of the chocolate and marshmallows, yet not flimsy enough to become one with the other ingredients. It tastes a little like the Lunchables pizza crusts of our youth, and not in a good way.

The whole thing is a hot (literally) mess.

In Need of a Wet Nap

In fact, we end up throwing half of the slice out.  Which is no easy feat due to the Times Square-on-New Year’s Eve-like atmosphere and our sticky fingers.

The concept behind the chocolate pizza could be genius, but only if the taste lives up to the hype.  So sorry, Max Brenner -- we guess we come from a land where we don't like to play with our food. 

Max Brenner’s Chocolate Pizza: 1 star