Motorino was not on our initial list for Best Thing I Ever Ate eating. When Rachael Ray talked about it on the show's SLICED episode, she spoke of the Motorino in Brooklyn, a place we try never to go. Upon further inspection, however, Vodka discovered that there is also a Motorino in Manhattan: a Motorino that Ginger had unknowingly already patronized. She had also, by chance, eaten Rachael Ray's choice pizza, the colatura di alici, which Motorino serves as a special during the summer.
|We're Still Trying to Figure Out How to Pronounce "Colatura di Alici"|
Despite all of this hullabaloo, Ginger proclaimed the colatura di alici pizza a 5-star masterpiece, the perfect refreshing summery pizza. Featuring a thin crust loaded with anchovies, cherry tomatoes, red onion, parsley, black olives, and fresh mozzarella, it overcomes the waiter's crankypants nature. Based on Ginger's glowing recommendation of the food, if not the waitstaff, Vodka is eager to get her own fists on the pizza as soon as possible.
However, because Vodka is a moron, her efforts to taste a colatura di alici pizza went a bit awry.
|Clearly, Motorino Has Cursed Us|
Also, there's the whole business of the dog, who is not actually allowed in culinary institutions. And since Vodka arrives at Motorino a half hour after their opening, the restaurant is completely empty, and a canine snout (albeit a small one) sniffing out of a tote bag could prove to be conspicuous.
For this reason, Vodka gets her pizza to-go. Unfortunately, the efforts she has made walking to the other end of the earth in the summer sun have almost killed her and her little dog, too, and the prospect of hauling a bulky pizza box back to the subway seems like the least appealing idea ever.
And this is how Vodka managed to spend $40 in order to eat a slice of pizza.
|Perhaps She Could Gain Employment as a Pizza Delivery Girl|
When she does, she finds an empty circle of cooked dough.
|This is a Test of the Emergency Pizza Network... What Would YOU Do in This Situation?|
|And Thanks to Bethenny Frankel, Vodka Now Knows How to Use Her Kitchen|
"I guess you must have to put it in the oven," Ginger surmises, seemingly unable to recall if the pizza is supposed to be eaten hot or cold.
|Or How To, You Know, COOK A PIZZA|
"How do you eat it?!" The hostess is even more confused than Vodka.
"Well, that too. But don't I have to cook it?" You would think this thing would have come with directions.
"Oh no, you eat it raw. It's like salad on top of pizza," the hostess informs her, so Vodka hangs up and takes a bite.
And pieces of tomato and mozzarella projectile across the room.
Let's just say the crust is a little tough.
|Vodka Does Not Have a Future in Pizza Decorating|
|For One Thing, It Seems to be Missing Pieces|
|Spread Yourselves Out, Toppings|
|Should've Just Left This Bowl As-Is|
Ginger maintains that Vodka's Motorino's pizza must have suffered from its crosstown journey and swears that it is still one of the best things she has ever eaten, but Vodka refuses to give it any more than 3 stars. As a compromise, we have settled on a 4-star rating. If our experiences teach you anything, it should be to dine in at Motorino, assuming Ginger's gem of a waiter has since sought other employment.
|Where's MY Slice?|