Our self-inflicted Food Network tour was almost over before it began.
Dying of starvation after our morning of fasting, we arrive at our first tour stop, Artisinal Bistro, to try Rocco DiSpirito’s favorite CHEESY creation: cheese fondue. As Rocco had specified, we order a variety of dipping items: crudités (which neither of us believe is actually a word; why not just say “vegetables”?), apples, and kielbasa (Vodka Stinger, being of Polish heritage, knows her way around a garlic sausage). And we wait.
Until we see a table that has blatantly arrived after us receive their own fondue. Then we know something is up.
We flag down our frazzled nitwit of a waiter to inquire about the delay, and he tells us that the kitchen is “very behind today.” Okay, buddy.
This tour might not have been the Best Idea We Ever Had.
Fifteen additional minutes pass, and we are on the brink of collapsing from a deadly combination of starvation and fury, not to mention we are now decidedly behind on the itinerary. Vodka Stinger, hailing from the wilds of New Jersey and thus not being one to let things slide, is out for the kill. When Ginger Orchid spots a pleasant-looking fellow in a suit wandering about, Vodka Stinger gestures him over, confirms that he is indeed the manager, and begins to tattletale.
Having done a good deal of such tattletaling over the years due to inept service, Vodka Stinger knows that the key to getting things done is to remain calm, explain the situation descriptively, and use the words “disappointing” and “embarrassing” a lot (subjective terms, they’re hard for the other party to combat). The manager listens attentively before running to the kitchen to see what's up.
This is the Best Tour Ever.
|Good to the Last Drop|
On our way out, we thank the manager profusely; our waiter is no where in sight.
And our tour, which began “disappointing” and “embarrassing,” is now squarely back on track.
Artisanal Bistro’s Cheese Fondue: 4 stars