Off the Map: Is That Chocolate or Blueberry?

Baltimore Bomb Pie -- Dangerously Delicious Pies, Baltimore, MD
Dangerously Delicious Pies

Vodka spends most of her time in Dangerously Delicious Pies simultaneously biting her tongue and curling her toes.  Attempting to suppress the urge to complain about the inefficient service and tap her feet in displeasure, she is trying with everything she has to control herself.

Hand Over the Pie FASTER and Nobody Gets Hurt

Only three people stand between Vodka and Bloody Mary's arrival at the pie counter, but the two workers seem hellbent on taking a solid hour to move the line along.  In their defense, they fit the dismissive attitude of the store itself, which looks like it was thrown together in an afternoon by wannabe rock stars clutching chalk and no design aesthetic.

Think It's Time to Clean Your Blackboards...

When we reach the front of the line many moons later, Vodka asks for one slice of the Baltimore bomb pie, as chosen by Duff Goldman on the GUILTY PLEASURES episode of Best Thing I Ever Ate.  The girl waiting on us looks around the pie shelves lackadaisically for a while, gives a cryptic "Hmmm...," and then retreats to the back counter to throw a slice into a to-go container.

And this behavior makes Vodka feel none-too confident about the fact that we have, in fact, procured the right pie.

You Know, A Little Signage Never Hurt Anybody....

Though our intention is to eat the pie later in the night at Bloody Mary's house, Vodka refuses to leave before taking a gander (read: checking the accuracy) of the slice itself.  Opening the container, we are both convinced (because we are idiots) that we have been handed a blueberry pie slice instead of a Baltimore bomb slice.

Is That Fruit or Dessert?!

In truth, Bloody Mary is not wholly convinced that the dark substance on the pie is composed of blueberries and not berger cookies, but Vodka is taking no chances.  Trying to decide the least confrontational way she can confirm the pie's flavor, she settles on asking the employee, "Can you tell us what's in this kind of pie?"

"Berger cookies and vanilla custard," the girl answers, and finally, Vodka's Type-A control freak goes back into its shell for a moment.

Annnnnd the Moment Has Passed

Many hours later, when we finally get around to tasting the pie while stationed on Bloody Mary's couch watching The Wonder Years (a scene out of "Winners R Us" if there ever were one), we find it rather delectable.  Contrary to our earlier color blindness, the berger cookies (vanilla wafers covered with chocolate fudge; they are apparently a thing in Baltimore) have melded into the perfect goopy complement to the sweet, thick vanilla custard.  The crust itself is almost puff pastry-like in texture -- thin and airy and far from overbearing.

Note: Couch Lighting Makes Pies Look Decidedly Less Appetizing

The pie slice is so good, in fact, that despite the fact that we are full-on suffering from overeating, we finish the whole thing on the spot, rather than saving most of it for our morning snack as we had planned.  If anything, we think the pie could have used even more berger cookies, as the flavor of the custard itself is slightly lacking without them.

This Final Piece, Too, Was Consumed Within Five Minutes of This Picture Being Snapped

In any case, Vodka and Bloody Mary have managed to accomplish all nine of Baltimore's Best Thing I Ever Ate dishes in under twelve hours, and for that, they deserve a prize.  And/or a membership to Weight Watchers.

Dangerously Delicious Pie's Baltimore Bomb Pie: 4 stars