Dear Chefs of the World,
If you have a nasty/cranky/generally unlikable demeanor, STAY IN THE KITCHEN and leave the front of the house to someone with a better affect.
|In Other Words, If You're a CRABBY CAKE, Stay Away|
It is worthy to note that prior to entering Pierpoint, Vodka, quite literally. fell out of a pick-up truck. In fact, if Bloody Mary had not been standing is just the right position for Vodka to grab onto as she plunged out of the back seat, Ginger may have needed to find a new dining partner. It is in this state of hyped-up giggles that we enter Pierpoint, and a fellow customer at the bar looks at us quizzically.
"I'm having a bad night," Vodka explains.
|And If Nancy Longo Has Her Way, It's About To Get Worse|
|Clearly She Needs Her Strength. Someone Hand This Girl a Carb|
|Seriously Now - What Is This About?! They're Taking Up Valuable Bar Real Estate|
Excuse me, lady, but the seven bottles of stoli behind you would indicate otherwise.
When Bloody Mary points out the stoli bottles, the bartender backtracks on her initial statement (though still doesn't seem to realize that these stoli bottles and "flavored vodka" are one and the same).
|Here's Another Vocabulary Lesson, Lady: This Is Bread|
|Somebody Grab Us a Crab Cake on the Way Out|
"She can't get it open," she whispers under her breath.
"The bartender can't get the vodka bottle open." Vodka looks up to find a rotating cast of employees and then customers trying to pry open the stubborn bottle, all of whom are unsuccessful. When we agree to drink another flavor (for which -- call her crazy -- Vodka thinks we should have been given a discount), this compromise does not produce a much better result, as the bartender fills the glass essentially to the top with cranberry vodka, and adds merely a splash of (not even carbonated) soda.
The whole thing is pretty much a horror show.
|And Wait til You Hear How Much These Debacles Cost. Just You Wait, Henry Higgins|
|Get It - CRABBYpants? So Clever|
|Get Back in the Kitchen and Plate Your Dishes More Symmetrically, Crabbypants|
|Plate o' Beige|
|We'll Take a Whole Plate of Tartar Sauce Next Time, Thanks|
|As an Aside, Please Note How Much of the Vodka "Soda" Has Been Consumed By This Point....|
And then, there is the matter of our bill.
Now, for goodness sake, we have been known to throw down a lot more cash willingly for phenomenal food and beverages. But our grand total for two wrong-flavor vodka-waters and crab cakes? $49. Before tip. Each of our "cranberry waters" is $10, and the crab cakes are $29. This pricing is, in a word, outrageous. (Oh, and PS Pierpoint charged Bloody Mary's credit card TWICE, definitively nailing shut their reputation's coffin).
Frankly, it's a good thing that Pierpoint's crab cakes are as good as they are, because if they were even a smidge worse, our Pierpoint experience would be hovering strictly in 1-star territory.
Pierpoint Restaurant's Crab Cakes: 3 stars