Off the Map: Cleveland, This Is Getting Ridiculous

Beef Gyro -- Steve's Gyros, Cleveland, OH

Steve's Gyros

Four meals into Vodka and Mezcal's journey to Cleveland, and we've yet to find a single clunker of a dish. Of course, all of the food chosen thus far has been picked by Michael Symon, who presumably knows the best and brightest culinary spots of his hometown. So maybe Anne Burrell and her ROAD TRIP Best Thing I Ever Ate choice will end the streak.

No Pressure, Anne

Yeah, maybe not.

Cleveland Has a Thing for Aluminum Foil, We See

Even in a sea of non-flashy stands located within the Westside Market, Steve's Gyros stands out for being as bare-bones as possible. 

Especially Because It Took Us a Full Circle of the Building to Locate It

A tub of lettuce, a vat of sauce, some spools of meat, and a few signs proclaiming such charming messages as "We don't cut gyros because we said so" and "the size of your gyro is based on the side of your attitude" are all that decorate their stark interior, and the service is similarly on the curt side.

Thanks For the Warm Welcome

As the first non-cordial people we have encountered in Cleveland, part of us really wants to dislike their creations merely as payback for their general grouchiness, but then, of course, we taste the thing.

Now You See It

Now You Don't

And oh boy, is this gyro delicious.

Who Expected Such Greatness from a Stand Who Seems to Only Offer Soft Drinks?

As we consume the pita-wrapped meat in a manner inconsistent with two girls who have already eaten three meals today, we are speechless with wonder: How can this seemingly simple sandwich be so unmistakably good? 

Cleveland, You're Starting to Give Us a Complex About Our Own City

The meat itself is unbelievably flavorful, the pita is warm and chewy, the sauce is downright delectable, and, being that we haven't seen a vegetable in a while, we're more than grateful for the lettuce and tomato. 

Thank Goodness for Small Fibrous Favors

Fearing that maybe Cleveland's food scene has skewed our judgment and we were doling out too many high ratings, we decide the gyro rates at 4 stars -- a solid 4 stars, but 4 stars nonetheless.

We Figure They Should Lose a Star for Their Charming Moods

Cut to that evening, lounging in our hotel room, and deciding that, despite the number of calories consumed in the past 24 hours, if we could have one of Cleveland's specialties delivered to us right at that moment, it would decisively be the gyro. 

Before We Die, We'd Like Another of Steve's Gyros

And therefore, Steve's gets bumped up to 5 star status: an ideal Cleveland sandwich wrapped up with a helping of New York attitude.  

Steve's Gyros's Beef Gyro: 5 stars*

*Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate