Off the Map: Why Cleveland? Why Are You So Perfect?

Corned Beef Hash -- Big Al's Diner, Cleveland, OH

Big Al's Diner

Here's the difference between New York and Cleveland: none of our Lyft drivers in New York have ever, with complete sincerity, apologized for the town's pollution.

And Not for Nothing, the Air Looks Pretty Clean to Us

But in Cleveland, on our way to Big Al's Diner to eat Michael Symon's Best Thing I Ever Ate WAKE UP CALL dish, not only does our driver seemingly take responsibility for the city's fossil fuel emissions, but he also appears concerned about our destination, being that we're driving through some of Cleveland's less scenic neighborhoods to reach it. 

Don't Worry, Driver -- Michael Symon Wouldn't Steer Us Wrong

However, Big Al's itself is straight out of a sitcom diner, albeit one from the late 1950s. 

Would Not Look Out of Place on an Episode of The Honeymooners

After a brief waiting period outside, as the joint is already packed at 9:00am, we are led to a booth where we peruse the placemat which doubles as a menu. 

Please Ignore Vodka's Lipstick Stain

Along with Michael Symon's chosen corned beef hash, we choose the potato pancakes with sour cream and applesauce, because while already on a weekend food bender, why not go full throttle?

We Won't Be Eating Again for at Least Two Hours So....

While Vodka's coffee cup gets constantly refilled until she's at the point of jitteriness, we anticipate our breakfast's arrival, wondering if the nondescript nature of Big Al's establishment will lead to similarly humdrum food.

A Counter Built for Four

And then the corned beef hash arrives. And it is a thing of beauty.

Putting All Other Diner Dishes to Shame

A warm pile of beef, potatoes, and vegetables rests beneath two perfectly cooked over-easy eggs, framed on either side by four pieces of butter-soaked white bread toast. 

Symmetrical Perfection

After one bite, Vodka douses her half with salt and hot sauce before proceeding to scoop the creation into her mouth with the intensity of a freshly-cleaned Hoover, marveling at the fact that, at Big Al's, even the toast is somehow better than that of any other diner variety.

How? How Does Nothing Go Wrong Here?

When Vodka reluctantly switches plates with Mezcal, who has been enjoying, if not moaning over, the potato pancakes, she does so with a resigned, "I give up. Gonna move here." 

And Probably Gonna Gain 100 Pounds While At It

And while the potato pancakes are also tasty -- they're fried carbs, so what could really go wrong? -- they are nothing compared to the majesty of the corned beef hash, which somehow redefine the surprising perfection that is Cleveland, OH.

Nailed It

No apologies necessary.

Big Al's Diner's Corned Beef Hash: 5 stars*

*Certifiable Best Thing We Ever Ate