Sadly, we have come to the end of Vodka and Mezcal's trip to
Cleveland, otherwise known as their new favorite place on earth.
 |
| Their Tourism Bureau Should Really Send Us a Check |
And even more sadly, the only dish we have left to eat is... jerky.
 |
| Going Out with a Bang... or a Whimper |
Here's
the thing about jerky: Vodka doesn't like it. Actually, "doesn't like
it" is mild, as she finds the stuff -- even the most gourmet of
varieties -- fairly offensive in both texture and taste.
 |
| Our Hotel Decor Seems to Be Cheering Us On |
But what's a
girl to do when
Michael Symon, the King of All Things Believeland,
chooses J&J Czuchraj Meats' beef jerky on the
SALTY GOODNESS
episode of
Best Thing I Ever Ate? The answer is buy the smallest amount
possible, stuff it in your friend's bag, and pretend it doesn't exist
for the next 24-48 hours.
 |
| No Offense, Dried Meat, But We're Just Not That Into You |
In truth, poor
Mezcal's bag began reeking of jerky when we consumed an
entire gyro in one fell swoop at the
Westside Market. At the time, we
were rather underwhelmed by our J&J/Czuchraj Meats experience, first
because there were two different stands with different names but the
same exact offerings, second because the guy manning stand one answered a phone call in the middle of our ordering process, and third
because he didn't fall for our ploy of handing over a sample when we
asked for the most minuscule jerky order possible.
 |
| So Here's the J&J Component... |
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| ...Not to Be Outdone by the Czuchraj Component Five Stands Away... |
Based on her general abhorrence of all things jerky, Vodka
procrastinates tasting the stuff so as to not ruin Cleveland's streak of
Best Thing I Ever Ate glory, one unimpressive
fizzy cocktail
notwithstanding.
 |
| Frankly, Those Smokies Look Like They May Have More Potential |
And so, in an effort not to
dilute our love of Cleveland with an uninspired review of a food we
don't even enjoy, let's pretend this post isn't about jerky at all.
Instead, let's talk about the man behind the whole reason for this trip,
Michael Symon, and more importantly, his restaurant, Lola.
 |
| She Was a Showgirl |
Lola
is, in a word, awesome. The food is heavenly, the drinks are strong,
and the service is as welcoming as Michael's TV persona.
 |
| Any Place That Serves Beef Cheek Pierogies Is Fine By Us |
In fact, after
our waiter hears that the only reason for our relatively minimal food
choices is because we've been to every one of Michael's
Best Thing I
Ever Ate picks in two days, he adds to our imminent stomachache by
throwing in a free dessert -- which, let it be known, just may be the
first free anything Vodka has ever procured that was not prefaced by a
stern complaint to the management.
 |
| That In Itself May Be the Biggest Miracle of Cleveland |
By the time
we waltz -- or roll, depending on who you ask -- out of Lola, Vodka is
busy singing
Hamilton songs about her newfound favorite GREATEST CITY IN
THE WORLD. And therefore, when we eventually try the infamous jerky during our 7:30am airport breakfast the next morning, the fact that it is
highly smoky, highly spicy, probably great for jerky lovers but
completely lost on us, is almost irrelevant.
 |
| We Won't Hold It Against Ohio's Fair City That This Is Our Parting Shot |
Because
at the end of the day, not only has
Cleveland reached the highest
Best
Thing I Ever Ate average of all time, but it has also succeeded in being
the most surprisingly enjoyable city we have ever visited. And those
weighty qualities alone are worth tons more than a quarter-pound of
jerky.
J&J Czuchraj Meats's Beef Jerky: 3 stars
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