Off the Map: Are You Trying to Make the Michael Symon Dog?

Hot Dog with Peanut Butter, Alien Pickle Relish, Sriacha -- Happy Dog, Cleveland, OH

Happy Dog

By the end of our first full day in Cleveland, Vodka and Mezcal are punchy, and not just because of the number of carbs currently battling their way through their digestive tracks. 

Cleveland, You've Been Good to Us, If Not to Our Waistlines

But before we can retreat for the night (at the rebellious time of 9:07pm), there is one more Best Thing I Ever Ate dish to be conquered, and it's a doozy. You see, on the ALL AMERICAN episode, Michael Symon chose a hot dog from Happy Dog. Now, there are few things we love more in life than a hot dog, which should make this a fairly easy conquest.

Thank Goodness for a Final Easy Dish to Go Calmly Into the Night... 

Only the hot dog Michael picked includes chunky peanut butter, alien pickle relish, and sriacha sauce.

...Or Not

Um, Mr. Symon, exactly how many of those India lime fizzes did you drink before downing this thing?

We Also Ordered a Side, Just In Case We Didn't Eat Enough Today

Happy Dog itself is essentially a dive bar with live music, which thankfully, based on our abhorrence of all things loud, was just about to begin as we were leaving. Orders are checked off by the customers themselves on paper pads featuring every possible type of hot dog combination you can invent, and the entire process is reminiscent of a childhood miniature golf game. 

We've Read Too Many Menus Lately to Deal with This Right Now

We choose the correct components based on Michael's tastes, making a note to ask for sriacha, as specified at the bottom of the pad. And then, mere moments later, we promptly forget to ask for the sriacha. It's been a long day, okay?

And Not For Nothing, We Were a Tad Thrown Off by Ordering Something Called ALIEN GREEN RELISH

Thankfully, our bartender appears to be on to us, as he takes one look at our choice and pipes up, "Are you trying to make the Michael Symon dog? Do you also want sriacha?" Now branded as the Cleveland tourists that we are, our dog arrives soon afterward, along with a basket of beer cheese fondue tots. 

The Inner Workings of the Day's 27th Meal

The hot dog itself is a tad frightening on the surface, especially because the bottom of the bun has split completely open, which Vodka finds more than a little annoying. But, presumably because he is Michael Symon and he has never steered a Cleveland palate wrong, the taste is fairly remarkable. The toppings together, in theory, should not work, but miraculously, they kind of do. And while peanut butter on a hot dog sounded like the opposite of a winner before we entered the premises, by the time we leave, we are squarely a fan.

Looking More Like a Speakeasy Than the Bar That Tried to Be a Speakeasy

We are also a fan of not only the tater tots, but of the Happy Dog bartenders themselves, who are much more reminiscent of the stereotype one would picture from a Clevelander serving a hot dog bar: chill, relaxed, and dressed in flannel.

Velvet Tango Room, Please Take Note

If we hadn't already eaten half our weight in Ohio goodness today, we would have liked to have tried a more "traditional" hot dog, being that the meat itself is some of the best we have ever tasted in encased beef form. But the way things stand, we can't manage to do much more than roll ourselves out the exit, happy as a pig in mud.

In This Case, the Pig Analogy Is Literal

Happy Dog's Hot Dog with Peanut Butter, Alien Pickle Relish, Sriacha: 4 stars