Sunday, November 5, 2017

Off the Map: Any Mustard, Mayo, Hot Sauce? Yes

The Godfather -- Melt Bar and Grilled, Cleveland, OH
Melt Bar and Grilled

First our Cleveland Lyft drivers were apologizing for the city's air quality, and now they're wishing us luck as they drop us at restaurants, as if they know we're about to eat our seventeenth meal of the day.
Or Maybe the Sign Alone Made Him Suspicious of What We Were In For
To be fair, the godfather sandwich we are about to consume at Melt Bar and Grilled, as chosen by Anne Thornton on the MESSY episode, is our only second Best Thing I Ever Ate establishment, but our fifth overall (yes, even when not being forced to eat and drink by the Food Network, we show up at additional places). 
This Queso? Not Featured on Any List. Just Needed a Snack
Immediately, Melt is not exactly what we had expected, since based on the fact that it's a chain, Vodka pictured something akin to the grilled cheese version of Chipotle, and this is more reminiscent of a TGI Friday's. 
In Case We Forgot What City We Were In
We belly up to a corner of the bar and place our order, and while waiting, Mezcal asks Vodka if she'd finally like to try the beef jerky Mezcal has been hauling around in her bag ever since our visit to the Westside Market
A Good Indication of How Eager We've Been to Eat the Stuff
"Oh no. No, I can't do that here. I can't take two sets of notes," Vodka says with complete earnestness, as if we're the food versions of Woodward and Bernstein, rather than two girls eating their way through Cleveland for blog posts that only Ginger will read.
Plus, Vodka Is Busy Documenting the GIANT BOX OF MAC AND CHEESE ON THE WALL
The sandwich soon arrives, and it is a carb-on-carb dream or nightmare, depending on how eager one is to consume bread, pasta, and cheese in a single bite. 
This Looks Amazing and/or Terrifying
Gargantuan in size, thick slices of lasagna are bordered by even thicker slices of garlic bread and accompanied by a solid helping of fries and two pickles ("They gave us each a pickle -- very thoughtful!")
Plus, Fries, Because Heaven Knows We Haven't Eaten Enough Potatoes Yet
As Vodka begins to document this sandwich in photograph form, the server asks, "Any mustard, mayo, hot sauce?" and is greeted by utter silence, as we are both seemingly too intent on getting down to eating. 
To Be Fair, Based on Their Menu, Pretty Sure the Melt Staff Are Used to People Being Overwhelmed
Repeating the question, which Vodka is inexplicably incapable of understanding even the second time (and for the record, there was nary a cocktail in sight), she responds with a noncommittal, "Yes." We are soon surrounded by not only an army's worth of condiments, but an entire box of napkins, as if to prove the point that this sandwich was featured on the MESSY episode for a reason.
Thanks for the Faith in Our Ability to Not Spill on Ourselves
The sandwich itself, while it appears on the surface to be nothing more than something to epitomize the height of gluttony, is shockingly quite tasty. 
What's Lasagna Without Parmesan Cheese Sprinkled on Top?
The garlic bread is soft enough to keep the lasagna from sliding out in one fell swoop, and while none of the components would be amazing on their own, together, they make an interesting, if outrageous,  combination.
If Only We Were Hungrier Right Now. Cut to: Empty Plate
And in what is becoming a pattern in Cleveland, while we initially debate between a 3 and 4 star finish for this dish, once we consume the entire thing, we decide that if it's good enough to polish off after all we have already eaten -- and still have to eat -- today, than it most certainly deserves a 4 star demarcation.
Specifying an Extra Pickle That We Didn't Even Ask For?! New Best Friends
After all, anytime your check arrives with the words "Add pickle to plate" written twice, you know the restaurant has found its way to our hearts, as a pickle is undeniably the greatest of good luck charms.

Melt Bar and Grilled's The Godfather: 4 stars

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