Chicago, we love you, but you're bringing us down.
|Not Just Because Vodka Keeps Expecting Bernadette Peters to Pop Out of This Painting|
|There's a Whole World Out There, Food Network!|
Well, perhaps because they keep sending us to eat raw garlic, pork rinds, and passive-aggressive dates.
|JUST A THEORY|
Don't fail us now, Frontera!
|Chicago's Last Culinary Hope?|
1. Avec took a full 90 minutes to serve us a single bowl of dates (shakes fist).
2. We erroneously lost track of time while stuck in the Twilight Zone that is the elevator line for the Hancock Building's Signature Lounge.
|Nothing Like Going All the Way to the Signature Lounge ONLY to Go to the Bathroom|
|Or to Understand Why the Margaritas Are All Coming Out in Martini Glasses|
|Naturally, In Chicago's Continued Desire to Burn Our Faces Off, They Are Spicy|
|"What Is This? NATURAL Flavors? Ugh, Bring Back the Chemicals"|
|Any Chance This Comes with a Side of Chips?|
|Only, As It Turns Out, Not Really|
And then our mouths start burning. Again. For at least the fifth time in Chicago.
Who knew that Chicago chefs were so intent on burning their customers' faces off?
|Perhaps the Constant Red Color Palate Should Start Tipping Us Off|
|Here's an Idea: Take Away the Steak and Give Us More Than Two Chips|
|Would It Be Declasse to Ask for Some A-1?|
|The Only Kind of 'Mole' We Can Get Behind|
|No Comment on What This Looks Like (...)|
|Are We Supposed to Be Making Tacos? This Pile of Tortillas Is Confusing Us|
|What Is Your Purpose?|
|Not Exactly a Rave Review In Terms of the Clean-Plate Club|
|Flavors Vodka Hates for Dinner: Raisins, Chocolate, Banana; Flavors Chicago Serves for Dinner: Raisins, Chocolate, Banana|
|Someone Send Us Back to Chi-Chi's Where We Belong|
|Moral of the Story: Vodka Hates Everything|
|Besides, Of Course, That They Treat This Lake Like an Ocean|
|This Should be 50%-75% Alcohol Is All We're Saying|
Frontera Grill's Carne Asada a la Oxaquena: 4 stars