Vodka
and her friend, Diet Coke's, last stop on this midwestern tour ends at
St. Elmo's Steak House, home of Ray Lampe's Best Thing I Ever Ate HOT AND SPICY shrimp cocktail.
 |
| We Traipsed All the Way to Indianapolis for Four Measly Shrimp |
Being that we have no interest in trying to
wolf down a ribeye in the dining room, we're hoping to sit at the bar,
where Vodka declares, "You know I'm going to have to get a drink so that
they don't think we're weird."
 |
| Hello, Old Friend |
"I'm sure that will be
a real sacrifice for you," Diet Coke's look seems to say, as we
thankfully find two empty bar stools. Despite
the fact that it is barely 4:00pm -- even by our early bird special
preferences, a tad early for dinner -- the place is completely packed.
 |
| Have You People Never Heard of Chipotle? |
We place our order over the din of the crowd: one shrimp
cocktail, one Diet Coke, and one Manhattan (because Vodka thinks it's a
travesty that she's in bourbon country and has yet to partake in its favorite liquor).
 |
| After a Full Day in Kentucky, Vodka Chooses to Get a Bourbon Cocktail in... Indiana? |
All three arrive moments later, to which Diet
Coke mimes grabbing for a shrimp before Vodka has a chance to snap any
photos (unlike Ginger, who frequently forgets about the "blog rules"
(don't touch the food until the pictures are snapped!), Diet Coke is
incredibly obedient).
 |
| Food-Based Patience Is Not Exactly Ginger's Strong Suit |
This shrimp cocktail is
different than most, in that, the shrimp itself is buried beneath a
solid helping of cocktail sauce.
 |
| Shrimp in Disguise |
While we are aware that this dish was
featured on the HOT AND SPICY episode, it appears we didn't choose to
take that information to heart, as within moments of tasting the shrimp,
we're convinced that we may keel over right on the spot.
 |
| Can Somebody Please Call the Paramedics? |
"Are
they trying to kill us?!" Vodka calls out, chugging water to try revive
whatever is left of her sinuses. St. Elmo's cocktail sauce's signature
is the fact that it is mixed with a hearty helping of horseradish. But
this isn't any old horseradish, a condiment which Vodka generally
loves.
This is hostile horseradish.
 |
| A Villainous Shrimp Cocktail |
We
soon squirt the provided lemon wedges over the rest of the shrimp,
hoping it will help take away some of the sting. "Should I pour my Diet
Coke on it?" Diet Coke asks. "Your Manhattan?"
 |
| We're Gonna Need a Lot More Than Two Lemons to Save Us |
"I
should ask the bartender to please wash our shrimp for us," Vodka
says, as we simultaneously begin scraping as much of the sauce as we can
off of the fish.
 |
| Kind of Missing the Point, Don't You Think? |
While the shrimp themselves are quite large and
appear to be very fresh, we can barely taste them over the constant
assault of the cocktail sauce. We decide that part of the problem is
the plating of the dish, where the cocktail sauce is poured directly
over the shrimp, rather than allowing the customer to choose how much to
dip into it. While the fact that St. Elmo's sauce is apparently
"famous" originally caused us to assume that other people like it, upon
tasting it, we're beginning to wonder if it's merely famous for being a
lethal weapon.
 |
| Particularly When You Begin Chugging Your Bourbon Just to Quench the Sting |
"Now this -- this is delicious!" Diet
Coke calls out, waving the provided saltine crackers in the air
wildly. "4 stars! Maybe 5!" And indeed, it's never a good sign when
the complimentary crackers are preferable to the $14.95 dish of only
four barely edible shrimp.
 |
| Could We Please Have a Case of These? We're Dying Here |
As we slump out of St.
Elmo's, we spot Indianapolis's other Best Thing I Ever Ate location,
Steak 'n Shake (previously reviewed -- and given 5 stars -- at its NYC
location).
 |
| Proof That We Should Stick Only to Chain Restaurants From Now On |
When we notice a sign for milkshake happy hour, which ends in
exactly three minutes, we sprint across the street like we're running
out of a fire.
 |
| The Only Way to Recover from a St. Elmo's Onslaught |
Though in our case, the fire just happens to be in our mouths.
St. Elmo's Steak House's Shrimp Cocktail: 2 stars
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