Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Off the Map: Two Narcissists Walk Into a Burger Joint

Bacon Office Burger -- Father's Office, Los Angeles, CA
Father's Office

Here is the problem with using a double-decker tour bus as your main form of transportation: you're using a double-decker tour bus as your main form of transportation.  
Yeah, Nice Place, California -- When Can We Eat Again?
Midway through the afternoon on our second day in Los Angeles, we have seen just about as much of the city as we would ever care to see from the top shelf of a StarLine tour.  Furthermore, we are suddenly starving, being that a single egg and a few kernels of caramel corn is seemingly not enough to sustain us through hours of wind-blown tourist narrative.  Therefore, we abandon our stringent itinerary in order to head directly to Father's Office, home of Adam Gertler's Best Thing I Ever Ate WITH BACON meal, the office burger.
If Only That Neon Sign Said 'GIN,' You'd Be Speaking Our Language
When we walk in, we are immediately carded (we choose to be flattered by this instead of the more logical explanation that it is simply the restaurant's policy), handed a menu, and asked if we know how the process works.  The host then explains that we can sit wherever we like, and when we're ready to order, we can do so at the bar.  We are astounded by this circumstance, not that we mind the system necessarily, but that it was explained to us up front.  We believe that in New York, they would have just left us to our own devices, forced to figure out on our own why no one was coming to ask what we wanted to drink.  ("No doubt we would have been sitting here complaining about how bad the service is.")
It Only Would Have Been a Matter of Time Before We Had Asked for the Manager
With this knowledge in mind, Vodka heads to the bar, orders one office burger plus two glasses of wine.  When our order arrives, she is incredibly impressed by the kindness of the Father's Office staff, who has pre-cut the burger in half for us.
My, What a Thoughtful Place!
"I can't believe how nice all of the LA restaurants are about splitting food," she tells Ginger.  "She must have noted on our slip that we were sharing a burger."

Ginger allows Vodka to drone on about this point for at least a minute before finally piping up, "I mean, they cut all the burgers down the middle, but you can keep thinking that this was just done for us."

Self-centered, party of two, anyone?
And While We're At It, Can You Just Enable Us and Say We Were Also the Only Ones Carded?
The office burger itself features a thick slab of beef, topped with blue cheese, arugula, bacon and caramelized onion.  
That's a Lot of Greenery -- Where's Ginger's GasX When You Need It?
Served on something more resembling a hero than a regular potato bun, each half is practically the size of a real burger, and it comes with a helping of shoestring fries on the side.  
As Always, We Are Especially Taken with the Carbs
We enjoy the burger (keep in mind that we are starving, so we would enjoy just about anything), though it's not our favorite one we've ever tasted.  In fact, we believe most of the ingredients get lost under the heavy-handed helping of caramelized onions, which bring a sweetness to the entire creation which is not necessarily enjoyable.  
Can Someone Please Pass the Salt Lick?
What we do appreciate about Father's Office is that, for a place resembling a slightly hipper (and much more expensive) dive bar, they don't take any nonsense from anyone, particularly in the fact that they don't allow any substitutions.  Despite this decree, the guy who sits down next to us tries to order a burger without blue cheese, claiming he is "allergic" to it.  We are heartened when he is promptly shut down by the bartender, if only because we appreciate when someone else is the "problem customer," instead of us.
Who Knew It Took the LA Air to Make Us the Accommodating Ones?
After all, until you break out in hives, mister, you're not really allergic to anything.

Father's Office's Bacon Office Burger: 4 stars

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