In
our continuing discrimination suit against Los Angeles, once again, we
are being thwarted for not being in the population of people who drive.
Via double-decker bus, we have made our way back to Hollywood, this
time to try to procure some of Candace Nelson's Best Thing I Ever Ate
caramel corn from ArcLight Cinemas.
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| Frankly, We're More in the Mood for McDonald's, But Fine |
"Try to" is the
operative term here, since we are seemingly incapable of finding the
entrance to the place. With no front door in our line of vision, we
decide to parade around to the back of the building, assured that we'd
find the mysterious place to enter there.
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| Please, LA, There Has GOT to be an Easier Way |
Instead, we are soon making our way
-- by foot, mind you -- through a public parking lot, up two flights of
stairs, and finally through an unmarked door that leads us to the
ArcLight Cinemas enclosed terrace.
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| Dear ArcLight, Might Your Be Able to Invest in a FRONT DOOR Sign? |
It is midway
through this trek that Vodka suggests Ginger place one of her infamous phone calls and ask ArcLight how we are supposed to enter their
vicinity. Needless to say, by the time we manage to wander through the
doors, we are feeling a lot less sheepish about descending into a movie
theatre merely to procure a snack without actually, you know, seeing a
movie.
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| Just Hand Over the Caramel Corn and We'll Get Out of Your Hair |
We approach the ticket taker, and Ginger
explains that we just want to buy a tub of caramel corn, and that he can
"watch us" to make sure we don't secretly enter a theatre. He greets
our request with confusion, if not blatant hostility, and deigns to
allow us to pass. One would think we would now be in the clear, but as
luck would have it, the never-fail California joviality strikes again
when the popcorn vendor decides to ask us what movie we're seeing,
causing us to have to admit that... we're not.
 |
| Worry About Yourself, Hollywood |
In
truth, Ginger has no idea what said popcorn vendor is asking her, as
her gin and tonic hangover has rendered her somewhat incapable of
understanding English ("What language was he speaking?" "He was
Australian.") After successfully getting a hold of the desired popcorn,
and with a quick wave to the ticket taker, we park ourselves at
ArcLight's cafe to taste-test the stuff.
 |
| Yep. Looks Like Popcorn |
Now first
of all, call us crazy, but a snack that is meant to be eaten in a movie
theatre is an odd choice for the CRUNCHY episode of Best Thing I Ever
Ate. Does Candace Nelson not become enraged, as we do, at the sounds of
other people chewing? But despite its episode description, upon
inspection, we don't find the popcorn any more crunchy than other
varieties. Buttery and sweet in its caramel coating, the popcorn is
good... but it also kind of just tastes like caramel corn. Caramel corn
you can get anywhere, rather than the kind you have to haul your way
through two floors of a parking garage in order to find. Perhaps it's
the novelty that ArcLight serves caramel corn in the first place that
caused Candace to single it out, but personally, we're failing to see
just what is so special about it.
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| Perhaps We Should Have Squirted Some Processed Butter Over the Top |
Vodka, who is
decidedly on the savory side of popcorn preferences, picks up her fifth kernel and brings it to her mouth before declaring,
"Ugh, I can't eat anymore of this" and placing the single piece back in
the bucket. Ginger deposits the rest of the of the container (which is
still at least 90% full) in her handbag, vowing to not eat anymore
popcorn, as she's not sure what it will do to her digestive track.
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| Cut to That Evening, When There Are Six Kernals Left in the Bucket |
"Remember when I wasn't going to eat the popcorn?" she asks
Vodka. So perhaps, what Ginger has really found is a new marketing
strategy for ArcLight Cinemas and their caramel popcorn: the ultimate hangover
cure.
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